Today's Tids Issue 3,270
Opening Stuff:
If you think that
your head will explode if the deflated ball talk continues, wait ‘til they start
tomorrow on ”The Snow Storm”. I’ll wait and see, but I know one thing for sure –
the Governor Gina Jobs parade and economy revival won’t mean a thing unless she
dons a plaid shirt and puts on jeans and workboats, messes up her hair and assures
us in continuing broadcasts that we are safe. Governorships are made and broken
on big storms. The only issue that gives me angst about the storm is getting
out the Tids without power. Having all those ideas clogging my head, typos and
all, without letting them pour free upon a screen could result in a nuclear blast
of seismic proportions. Duck and cover – The Tids are coming.
As you might have
noticed over the years, I abhor elitist silliness. Now, there is this
acclaimed movie out called Ida, which I expect 99.9 44/100th’s of
people pronounce “Ida, as sweet as apple cidah…” But, nooooo, the Hollywood critics
insist that it is Eda – as in “She’s too big to feedah…”. Spare me. I not only say “Too-may-tow”, I spell it with
a “e” at the end. Horrors!
There’s only 32 days
left til Baseball spring training. And there are just about 75 days left
before serious pot hole season. Reserve your realignment appointment now.
Hot news for Gourmet
dinner parties: The Frito-Lay Corporation has just announced a sugar/cinnamon
version of Cheeto’s – Sweeto’s. This makes planning for friend and family gatherings
easier for people on the move because with just two bags you have your Hors devours
and dessert. Watch them dive in and come up smiling! Zowie! Who says America
isn’t what it used to be.
Marshon Lynch
could be the difference.
The Question:
That did Charlie Brown’s father do for a living? Bonus: Where,
when and what was the name of the first beer sold in cans?
The Headlines:
--Northeast Awaits Projected “Biggest Storm Since ’78. New
England Governors Breaking Out Plaid Shirts.
--Markets Regaining Positive Mo After Early Losses.
--Leftist Anti Austerity Party Stuns Greece With Surprising
Victory; Moving fast To Form Coalition Government, And Demand Less Severe Terms
For Bailout Money; Greece Could Be Forced Out Of EU If gimmie Government Grasps
Too Much Power; Merkel Warns Greece To Stock To Current Program.:
--Russia Warns West: Do Not Blackmai L=Us Over Ukraine.
--Malaysia Air Site Hacked By ISIS; US Flights Cancelled.
--American Sniper Surges Through January Movie Sales Records With $217 Million Take After Ten Days.
--“K” Gets 1,000.
--Mattel Reports Weak Results; CEO Resigns; Disinterest In
Barbie The Cause.
--Anglican Church Consecrates First Woman Bishop.
--Device, Possible Unmanned Aerial Drone, Found On White
House Lawn.
Ernie Banks was one
of my all time favorites. I was never a recipient of his sunshine like smile,
but those who knew it said he lit up a room with positive energy like no other
human being. And he hit 512 homers to boot. I think everybody would like to see
the Cubs win a ring for the Bankster.
It is said that a guy
named Wilson Bently took 5,000 pictures of different snowflakes I the late
1800’s Think about what a guy like that would do with YouTube!
If you think about
it, the new Greece leftist group is not acting much differently than Wall Street
who after getting billions wants some of the harsher new rules eased. I promise
you, if the gov bailed out my losses, I would fulfill my promises.
If you see an inordinate
amount of oddly placed “N’s” and “V’s” in the Tids, it generally means I’m
missing the space bar. And “M’s” represent mishit commas. Bill Belichick told
me that was a good explanation for typos.
If you think
Brady/Belichick have problems with soft footballs, how about that
explanation dilemma for Cristina Fernandez, the President of Argentina! Exactly
one hour before Prosecutor Alberto Nisman was to announce “Explosive
Allegations against her and her regime”, Alberto was found dead with a bullet in
his head. At first Fernandez said she was sad for his suicide. Now she is deflating
her first explanation saying, “we will do everything possible to bring his
murderer to justice”. At least Rhode Island doesn’t have dead bodies, at least
that have been reported.
If you ever see me
going into a “Vaping” center, shoot me.
For decades the Repubs
have been arguing that because of resultant increased spending, lower taxes
for all would indeed create more revenue for the government with new and better
jobs. So what have we seen with the lower gas prices? We have enjoyed record
tax collections, and surprisingly better profits for gas stations. Economics works
if the Government steps aside.
The best golfer today
that nobody talks about is Bill Haas.
In an effort to get
sales back on track, Mattel is offering a new Barbie fashion package for
today’s predicament: It’s a complete wardrobe and suicide note kit for stockbroker
Barbie and Ken jump off a Wall Street Tower dolls. They are made to splat, but
easily regain their shapes for repeated jumps in new outfits. It also includes
outfits for the inevitable reality show that follows.
The Answer:
Charlie Brown used to love going to his Dad’s barber shop
and listening to the discussions -- and then walking home with his father. Bonus: The first canned beer was sold
by the Richmond Virginia brewery “Gottfried Krueger” in 1935. Just in case you run out of trivia
at the corner pub.
One of the Tids most
incredible readers just sent the Tids staff a complete Super Bowl Patriots Survival
package filled with every kind of Cheeto’s imaginable. You can always tell when
a Tidster throws a deflated football by the orange fingerprints on the side. Yes
Mr. Goodell, I’m guilty – and I’m lovi’ it! The Tids is at loss of words on how
to say thank you!! Zowie!
Snuggle in! This storm
is going to be a magnificent beast.
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