Saturday Shorts: Does the "C" in Congress stand for Cousins?
Opening Stuff:
Aha! I get it now. After reading today that new Senator elect Brown and "Light Brown" (According to Harry Reid) are related followed by another story linking Hillary and George Stephanopolis, you begin to understand why it is what it is. You know what the say about inbreeding.
Don't get too excited about that 5.7% growth in GDP. It was accompanied by a rise in unemployment and was more technical than reality. Of course the White House wants it to be a reality in their fantasy world, but in fact it is a cyclical reordering of inventories and occurred with very little help from spending. In fact, it was more representative of a false economy built upon the government dole.
While we're talking handouts, many small businesses are wondering what they would do with that extra employee that would give them $5,000 government bucks. Most realists say, "when the sales go up I'll hire". Basically it is cheaper for the Gov to pay five thousand to a company to help keep people out of the growing unemployment compensation pot than to fund it.
"Barbie" at 50 is more proof that plastic surgery works!
I couldn't be happier with the new statue honoring one of my favorite boyhood heroes, Bill Mazerosky. Of course, anybody who embarrasses the NY Ya-ya-ya...(Well You Know Who I Mean)...with one of the most dramatic ever, World Series winning home runs is on my immortals list for ever. And I also liked the way This great West Virginian Played Second base.
The Headlines:
--US Sells $6 Billion In Arms To Taiwan; China Puts Up Diplomatic Wall.
--Prez And GOP Parry; Both Sides Agree It Was Good; Both Sides Agree That The Other Side Still Doesn't Understand Them.
--Regulators Shut Down Banks In 5 States; New Shutdowns Bring YTD Total to 15.
--Music Fans Await Grammy Show; Nobody Awaits NFL ProBowl.
--NATO Airstrikes Mistakenly Kill Afghan Soldiers.
--Ice/Snow Paralyze South.
More Stuff:
For the past several years I have been planning for my Obit by joining lots of clubs like "The Wheel Watchers Club " and the "Stop & Shop Customer Appreciation Club" and the "Wal-Mart Happy Shopper Club". I expect by nap time I will have a list of publishable accomplishments that rival the world's achievers. But then I thought. the most important club is the one that will read "Beloved husband/Father".
Wily had a pretty good line for his cartoon showing the Titanic heading towards a giant iceberg and the captain saying: "The future of tired metaphors depends on us."
The favorite line of the week from your beloved Tids was, "The President probed every possible erogenous zone but never hit the GOP spot."
Get ready to fall in love. Tonight will be the night of the great big moon. Clear and huge. Reach out and grab a little of this heavenly orb's lunminescence to calm your soul and fire up your heart.
Layng quietly in fields
Glstening lights
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Stuff:
This is actually the 2054th issue of The Tids, but the very first in Blogsville. It is practical and etherial. We educate, inform, entertain and muse. We reduce hysteria and dilute tension. We will make you smile and we will make you growel. Unfortunately politicians provide daily doses of unimagined incongruities. We can't avoid it. But we try with amixture of just about anything you can think of...as long s it can be read by kids. If you don't like what we write, we don't care. We figure that with about 300,000,000 Americans and another couple of billion worldwide, somebody out there is bound to like what w have to say.
On further reflection, you might say that Prime Time’s* SOU message probed every possible erogenous zone, but never quite found the GOP Spot.
*NOte: Prime time is one of two nicknames for the President, the other is 0-Man.
The Question:
A long winded explanation of an under par golf score is a “Wordy Birdie”. What are the two word rhyming answers for these: 1. “Not so intelligent orange gourd”; 2. “An over weight flying mouse”; 3. “Eight legged passenger”; 4. “Emaciated congealed substance”; “5. A very tasteful preservation of the Egyptians” Bonus: What households do to regain sanity?
The Headlines:
--Q4 GDP Up Optimistic 5.7%; Stocks Rise On News Of Best Pace Since 2003; Expert Expect 2010 Growth rate To be 2.5% Or below.
--0-Man Says US Will Reduce Greenhouse Emissions By 28% by 2020; Flower Industry Nervous.
--Kansas Judge Say Nay To Using Manslaughter As Alternative To Murder 1 In Trial Of Abortion Doc Murderer; Flash: Jury Finds Him Guilty.
--Heavy Snow, Ice Bury Southern Plain States; Moving Towards Eastern Mid South States.
--Tony Blair Justifies His Decision To Join Bush In Iraq War.
--White House Considering Moving Terror Trial Out Of Apple.
--RI Attorney General Agrees to Outrageous Rate Hike For Blue Cross; Hike Killer for Individual Policy Owners.
--The President Of Argentina Says Pork is better For Sex Than Viagra.
More Stuff:
I was with a couple of friends the other night. They told the story of an old school chum who had a pretty good job in the Reagan White House. He was so well liked by Reagan, that the president after his term brought him to the West Coast to help start and curate the Reagan Library. But, along the way he received another title…Funeral Director. Because The President wanted to buried on the land as part of the museum complex, California law states that because the head of the museum was now also a cemetery director, he must be a licensed Funeral Director. And pass a rather intense testing procedure. He took it seriously and did it. The day he passed, the phone rang. It was the President offering congrats and suggesting that it was a good time to roam the property and select a spot for his grave site. The two trudged the hills and found this particularly pleasant spot that overlooked the ocean. Ronald Reagan got down on the ground, laid on his back, feet to the ocean and then raised up his head. “Yup, this looks good”.
Sometimes when I listen to the 0-Man I get the impression that he considers the Congress a tool of the Presidency and the Supreme Court a necessary annoyance that he’d like to be a tool. Like he doesn’t realize that the President isn’t representative of the people, but the Congress is.
One of the most cherished status symbols for intellectual wannabees over the past fifty or so years has been having ability to say I read Catcher in the Rye . I read it in college in the fifties, and remember thinking that the opening was pretty good and casualness was pleasant. But little could I realize that it would become iconic. A defining piece of literature. Hey, it was nice, but it was no James Bond! JD Salinger passed away the way the wanted to…alone. Maybe he couldn’t figure out the attention either.
In their drive for fairness, there is a new rumor coming from the White House saying it is time to bailout each and every Las Vegas patron. If you can do it for Wall Street, why not us, say the disgruntled gamblers. Hey, they cry, our odds are better than some of the packagedpaloozas they get into.
The Novel:
(Note: This is an ongoing serial Novel. It is near the end. But soon it will be available on line at the website.
Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 52. –After Paul had left Molly’s, ecstatic about his new “friend”, me, I called Henry. Paul could probably hardly wait to tell Maggie/Sarah what a great guy was I thought and smiled to myself as I listened to the ringing phone. “Hi. Henry here.” “It is I, Kent ”. “Hey, glad you called. The chasm police just left with the girl Laura Jacoby. She was one tough nut. Pretty sophisticated for a teen. Maybe she has some of your scientific brain genes!” he chuckled. He liked to play the “I got no brains like you got” roll. “So.” I prodded. “Let’s just say, I’m going to call your boss Isabelle and set up meeting. I’ll fill you in when you get here.” He hung up obviously enjoying his knowledge. I got up from the table and went over to the register to pay. “Wasn’t that the husband of your friend Mrs. Durham”, said my favorite café owner Molly.” I smiled slightly and ignored the question, handing her a twenty dollar bill. “Looks like a nice guy”, she said hand me back the change with a curious looks. “He is” I answered. “I’ll tell Mrs. Durham you were asking for her and would be down with a pint of your homemade ice cream.” She relaxed and smiled. I left and got into my car. I looked up and saw Molly was still staring at me.
More Stuff:
It looks like Osama Bin Laden wants hop upon the Nobel prize express as yesterday he joined in with Al Gore and President Obama blasting the US for causing climate change. Hey…give him the prize and maybe he’ll come out of hiding!
While the election of the Tid’s dubbed “Most Important Republican in America ”, Scott Brown, was certainly exciting, the most entertaining battle of all could be the Illinois hodge-podge. The leading Dem candidate for the “Obama Seat”, or is that the people’s seat, is an Obama protégé Alexi Giannoulias who has not gained a lot of traction. In fact, if the elections were held today the democrats could go down the tubes in races for every state and national office from congress to Governor.
Reading between the lines Movie Reviews:
--If you haven’t seen a commercial for the new Mel Gibson flick Edge of Darkness, then you haven’t been watching TV. It intrigued me, and it is good…more so in the beginning. Gibson plays a Boston cop who is with his 24 year old daughter when she is gunned down while talking to him on their front porch. Obviously he is enraged that she an innocent would die from a bullet meant for him. Or was it? He explores to find that she had a secret life and the journey takes him into the world of high level corporate cover-ups. Worth the time.
--When in Rome is a fairly lightweight formula romantic comedy staring that extra cute Kristen Bell. She steals some coins from the famed Trevi Fountain in Rome and subsequently finds men who threw the coins stopping by looking for romance. She is visited by an odd bunch, but when an aggressive reporter seems to throw his hat in the ring, she wonders if this is it!. You’ll feel good but you won’t have to think too hard.
Nearing the End Stuff:
Apple’s new iPad has spawned hundreds of jokes centering on feminine hygiene products. “Is iffy Wifi called iSpotting”. “Will wives be sending their husbands to the store to buy iPads”. Many aren’t that funny, but they’ll be popular for a period of time. Want to see more? http://jezebel.com/5458338/that-time-of-the-month-the-internets-best-period+related-ipad-jokes
The Answer:
1. Bumpkin Pumpkin 2. Fat bat 3. Spider rider 4. Skeleton Gelatin 5. Yummy Mummy. Bonus: Rids Tids, of course.
I’m going to try again to put this up on www.todaystids.blogspot.com Soon, when I can get my mind around it, I’m going to have a full site www.todaystids.com. But, I will never forget you. Primarily because I get so confused in websville. Sorry I’m late…I got blogged down!
This is actually the 2054th issue of The Tids, but the very first in Blogsville. It is practical and etherial. We educate, inform, entertain and muse. We reduce hysteria and dilute tension. We will make you smile and we will make you growel. Unfortunately politicians provide daily doses of unimagined incongruities. We can't avoid it. But we try with amixture of just about anything you can think of...as long s it can be read by kids. If you don't like what we write, we don't care. We figure that with about 300,000,000 Americans and another couple of billion worldwide, somebody out there is bound to like what w have to say.
On further reflection, you might say that Prime Time’s* SOU message probed every possible erogenous zone, but never quite found the GOP Spot.
*NOte: Prime time is one of two nicknames for the President, the other is 0-Man.
The Question:
A long winded explanation of an under par golf score is a “Wordy Birdie”. What are the two word rhyming answers for these: 1. “Not so intelligent orange gourd”; 2. “An over weight flying mouse”; 3. “Eight legged passenger”; 4. “Emaciated congealed substance”; “5. A very tasteful preservation of the Egyptians” Bonus: What households do to regain sanity?
The Headlines:
--Q4 GDP Up Optimistic 5.7%; Stocks Rise On News Of Best Pace Since 2003; Expert Expect 2010 Growth rate To be 2.5% Or below.
--0-Man Says US Will Reduce Greenhouse Emissions By 28% by 2020; Flower Industry Nervous.
--Kansas Judge Say Nay To Using Manslaughter As Alternative To Murder 1 In Trial Of Abortion Doc Murderer; Flash: Jury Finds Him Guilty.
--Heavy Snow, Ice Bury Southern Plain States; Moving Towards Eastern Mid South States.
--Tony Blair Justifies His Decision To Join Bush In Iraq War.
--White House Considering Moving Terror Trial Out Of Apple.
--RI Attorney General Agrees to Outrageous Rate Hike For Blue Cross; Hike Killer for Individual Policy Owners.
--The President Of Argentina Says Pork is better For Sex Than Viagra.
More Stuff:
I was with a couple of friends the other night. They told the story of an old school chum who had a pretty good job in the Reagan White House. He was so well liked by Reagan, that the president after his term brought him to the West Coast to help start and curate the Reagan Library. But, along the way he received another title…Funeral Director. Because The President wanted to buried on the land as part of the museum complex, California law states that because the head of the museum was now also a cemetery director, he must be a licensed Funeral Director. And pass a rather intense testing procedure. He took it seriously and did it. The day he passed, the phone rang. It was the President offering congrats and suggesting that it was a good time to roam the property and select a spot for his grave site. The two trudged the hills and found this particularly pleasant spot that overlooked the ocean. Ronald Reagan got down on the ground, laid on his back, feet to the ocean and then raised up his head. “Yup, this looks good”.
Sometimes when I listen to the 0-Man I get the impression that he considers the Congress a tool of the Presidency and the Supreme Court a necessary annoyance that he’d like to be a tool. Like he doesn’t realize that the President isn’t representative of the people, but the Congress is.
One of the most cherished status symbols for intellectual wannabees over the past fifty or so years has been having ability to say I read Catcher in the Rye . I read it in college in the fifties, and remember thinking that the opening was pretty good and casualness was pleasant. But little could I realize that it would become iconic. A defining piece of literature. Hey, it was nice, but it was no James Bond! JD Salinger passed away the way the wanted to…alone. Maybe he couldn’t figure out the attention either.
In their drive for fairness, there is a new rumor coming from the White House saying it is time to bailout each and every Las Vegas patron. If you can do it for Wall Street, why not us, say the disgruntled gamblers. Hey, they cry, our odds are better than some of the packagedpaloozas they get into.
The Novel:
(Note: This is an ongoing serial Novel. It is near the end. But soon it will be available on line at the website.
Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 52. –After Paul had left Molly’s, ecstatic about his new “friend”, me, I called Henry. Paul could probably hardly wait to tell Maggie/Sarah what a great guy was I thought and smiled to myself as I listened to the ringing phone. “Hi. Henry here.” “It is I, Kent ”. “Hey, glad you called. The chasm police just left with the girl Laura Jacoby. She was one tough nut. Pretty sophisticated for a teen. Maybe she has some of your scientific brain genes!” he chuckled. He liked to play the “I got no brains like you got” roll. “So.” I prodded. “Let’s just say, I’m going to call your boss Isabelle and set up meeting. I’ll fill you in when you get here.” He hung up obviously enjoying his knowledge. I got up from the table and went over to the register to pay. “Wasn’t that the husband of your friend Mrs. Durham”, said my favorite café owner Molly.” I smiled slightly and ignored the question, handing her a twenty dollar bill. “Looks like a nice guy”, she said hand me back the change with a curious looks. “He is” I answered. “I’ll tell Mrs. Durham you were asking for her and would be down with a pint of your homemade ice cream.” She relaxed and smiled. I left and got into my car. I looked up and saw Molly was still staring at me.
More Stuff:
It looks like Osama Bin Laden wants hop upon the Nobel prize express as yesterday he joined in with Al Gore and President Obama blasting the US for causing climate change. Hey…give him the prize and maybe he’ll come out of hiding!
While the election of the Tid’s dubbed “Most Important Republican in America ”, Scott Brown, was certainly exciting, the most entertaining battle of all could be the Illinois hodge-podge. The leading Dem candidate for the “Obama Seat”, or is that the people’s seat, is an Obama protégé Alexi Giannoulias who has not gained a lot of traction. In fact, if the elections were held today the democrats could go down the tubes in races for every state and national office from congress to Governor.
Reading between the lines Movie Reviews:
--If you haven’t seen a commercial for the new Mel Gibson flick Edge of Darkness, then you haven’t been watching TV. It intrigued me, and it is good…more so in the beginning. Gibson plays a Boston cop who is with his 24 year old daughter when she is gunned down while talking to him on their front porch. Obviously he is enraged that she an innocent would die from a bullet meant for him. Or was it? He explores to find that she had a secret life and the journey takes him into the world of high level corporate cover-ups. Worth the time.
--When in Rome is a fairly lightweight formula romantic comedy staring that extra cute Kristen Bell. She steals some coins from the famed Trevi Fountain in Rome and subsequently finds men who threw the coins stopping by looking for romance. She is visited by an odd bunch, but when an aggressive reporter seems to throw his hat in the ring, she wonders if this is it!. You’ll feel good but you won’t have to think too hard.
Nearing the End Stuff:
Apple’s new iPad has spawned hundreds of jokes centering on feminine hygiene products. “Is iffy Wifi called iSpotting”. “Will wives be sending their husbands to the store to buy iPads”. Many aren’t that funny, but they’ll be popular for a period of time. Want to see more? http://jezebel.com/5458338/that-time-of-the-month-the-internets-best-period+related-ipad-jokes
The Answer:
1. Bumpkin Pumpkin 2. Fat bat 3. Spider rider 4. Skeleton Gelatin 5. Yummy Mummy. Bonus: Rids Tids, of course.
I’m going to try again to put this up on www.todaystids.blogspot.com Soon, when I can get my mind around it, I’m going to have a full site www.todaystids.com. But, I will never forget you. Primarily because I get so confused in websville. Sorry I’m late…I got blogged down!
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