Today's Tids Issue 2,300
Opening Stuff:
Today's issue of the Tids will be written by guest commentator "Watson", fresh from his big win on Jeopardy. So, don't blame any typos on the Tidster. Watson lives in the world of texts and Tweets. So, anything goes. And Today's mess should be short and Pithy. But you have to wonder how much feeling he will be able to put into your favorite serialized novel, Almost Near.
Hey, I'm calling him "He". Is singularity upon us? Oooo-weeeeeee-ooooo.
It was better when we celebrated George Washington's and Abe Lincoln's birthday instead of the amorphous Presidents Day (Or Used-Car day as it has become.) At least people became aware of at least two great men instead of being totally oblivious to 44 nameless people on coins and plaques.
The Girl Scouts need a new baker!
The Question:
We have all laughed at the funny name of that folksy little company called Smuckers. But it is now a mega company comprised of many of your favorite brands. Name five.
Today's Headlines:
--Wall Street Expected To Open Lower After Jobs And Inflation Data; Stocks Fall Lower As Iran Ships Enter Sensitive Suez Area..
--Army Locks Down Capitol, Crushes Bahrain Protests; Protesters Killed In Lybian Anti-Gov Clash.
--Madison Wisconsin Streets Look Like Greece As Public Employee Unions Members Protest Anti Union Bill In Wisconsin Senate; Bill Would Strip Government Workers Of Nearly All Collective Bargaining Rights.
--New Unemployment Benefit Apps Jumps back Up To 410K.
--Solar Flares Slamming Into Earth's Magnetic Field.
--Iraqi Defector Admits To Lying About WMD Claims.
--Iran Naval Vessels Steaming Towards Mediterranean; Iran May Drop Request To Pass Through Suez.
--Accusation Noise Elevates As Budget Battles Continue.
Back to More Stuff:
Since Watson so graciously decided to step in and write Today's Tids, I thought it a good idea to stop and catch up on American Idol. Bad Idea. What an insufferable first forty five minutes of manufactured drama that was last night. I remember a couple of female singers who were outstanding and no men. The only name I can remember is Ashley who looked like Judy Garland strung out on bourbon and barbiturates. My only other observation of some significance was the apparent demise of so many country singers. But, you can be sure that I will suck it up and be on top of AI as it moves along. That's what Tid's guys do.
In case you are interested, Kelly Rippa loved AI last night.
King's Speech grabs you and never lets go.
The more we fund Government labs the more they come up with scary things about our favorite foods that may or may not have any affect on our lives. They basically develop evidence for class action lawyers and fodder for Nightly News medical experts.
Me, I am now totally addicted to Quaker Cheddar Cheese mini rice wafers. Actually they are kind of a health food unless you eat three bags at a sitting. Just one more please.
China appears to be acquiring Euros as a way to diversify against the Dollar. That doesn't sound too good, does it?
I think the world needs a web site called www.bookclubcheating.com for all of those people in book clubs who are often saddled with basically unreadable books. The site would offer easy to understand synopses of the book with several discussable plot and character observations.
Almost Near: Chapter 7 continues. --Samantha sat quietly, unmoving. Amidst a pile of papers strewn around her. She had been reading for thirty minutes and she was reading about her life in this town of Lobster Cove. How she loved the Cranbury-Ginger bread at Mrs. Fletchers pharmacy. How she eyed Zach while playing with his son Jimmy. They were all here. Vivid descriptions of every body she has seen in this town. Exactly the way she rememebred them. Everybody was here, Aunt Ginny warm and loving, the Editor of the paper who often asked her to write small articles. Everybody but Tucker. There was no mention of Tucker. No mention of the only person who seemed real. She sat amidst the most beautiful part of her life. Crying. Spent. Frightened. No, terrified.
She got up and walked as if in a trance, out the narrow door, down the back stairway. She walked across the kitchen, bumping aimlessly into the wooden wash-top table; The one she had just read of in that mass of paper.
She pushed open the dark green screen door and then heard it slam exactly how it had slammed many times in the words she had just read.
At the end of the driveway she turned up the hill and started running. Faster. Faster. Away from her life she left strewn upon the floor in that little room. She was nothing. She was only words on thousands of pieces of paper.
If you see a guy walking around town with a spray paint can in his hand, you are probably looking at a loser.
As scientists uncover new evidence about solar flares bouncing off the magnetic field, Congress has called on Al Gore to chair a commission that would rid us of solar flares.
It is interesting to see that the nation's most aggressive anti-government law has gained so much momentum in the legislative Halls of a state (Wisconsin) that was once considered a part of USSR!
All of these Middle East protests are either the people looking for democracy, or well organized anti American factions using the promise of democracy to unseat pro-American puppets.
The Answer:
How many of you have heard of Jif PB, Pillsbury, Crisco, Folgers, Carnation, Magic Shell (Delightful Ice Cream topper) and they are the manufacturer and grocery distributor of Dunkin Donuts coffee.
The End:
Do you think that Arms Obama's campaign against obesity has anything to do with current rash of indictments against good tasting foods?
Thanks Watson. You did good.
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