I can see clearly now.

Today's Tids Issue 2,529
Opening Stuff:

Every once in a while you have to stop and wash the potato chip grease off your glasses.

Have you noticed how murky life gets when you try to filter reality through political correctness?

Hey, you gotta talk about Greece on regular basis, doncha. After all, it is the poster child for what America does not want to be. Our public employee unions, however, seem intent on bringing us there. There was a suppressed reaction yesterday on the news about the Greek Gov reaching an agreement. And with good reason. First the Euro Central Bank Chief yesterday pointed a finger at the Greek leadership where he essentially said "I don't believe you until you take some action. Sell an airport. Words. We've heard your empty words before". Couple that with the fact that there will be an election in April where an entirely new set of officials could come into office and squash any agreement. Second, having listened this morning to several analysts in London who say the problem is more immense than what is driveled out in the news. There is no industry. Athens is the most expensive city in Europe. I can see it taking generations before they can clean out the muck in the great black hole called Pensions. Everything about the Greek economy is a mess. And believe me, there are many here who think the Greek social economy was a good idea.

The Question:

Robert Wagner is know for a successful man and Wife sleuth TV series. Name it. Name his co-star. What is she doing now since the series?

The Headlines:

--EuroChiefs Wary Of Greek Austerity Goals; Unions In Troubled Country Striking In Streets; Violent Activity Mars Day.
--US Markets Down After Another Greek Disappointment; DOW down 115 At 11:18.
--China Shows Signs Of Slowing Domestic Economy.
--Banks Agree On Homeowner Help Program; NYT's Analyst Says Settlement Is Murky And Will take 6/12 Months To See Who Qualifies; May Take 2-3 Years To Show Results.
--White House To Offer "Accommodation" To Ameliorate Assault On religious Freedom.
--CPAC Expected To Be Setting for Sorting Out Repub Candidates.
--Former NYT CEO Janet Robinson Named Chairman Of Board Of Trustees For Alma Mater Salve Regina University.

I thought President PrimeTime laid out the problems and culprits associated with the housing crunch that strangle the pocketbooks of many good, well intentioned innocent citizens. However, there seems to be more questions than answers about how the injured will be rewarded, and how much of an effect this will have on huge overall mortgage problem. Maybe he designed it all that way to make Congress look bad when they dawdle over moving it forward becasue it just doesn't seem plausible. (Those questioning the reality of this as a solution come from both sides of the spectrum.)

One of the Tids brilliant observers of the world sends in this form a sign by the side of the road: "Islamic terrorists are like King Salmon -- Life is good until the Seals show up!"

Yahoo news published photos with the teaser headlines "McCaulay Culkin seen walking in NYC looking gaunt and scruffy." I thought he looked gaunt and anemic when appearing Home Alone.

I was thinking of re-upping, getting back into the military to serve my country in my waning years. And then I had this vision, a vision inspired from a news item yesterday the new soldier diets. Here was Mrs. "0" standing at the front of the army dining hall with big S...Eatin' grin holding the "New Mess", a plate overflowing with Broccoli, salad greens and whole grains. SOS!! This is true.


Correction Department:
A particularly keen Tids observer noted that Mia Farrell was not in the first True Grit. Upon further review I notice I had left out the words "Hal Wallis originally wanted Mia to play Mattie in True Grit. Actually, Robert Mitchum warned Mia away saying Director Hathaway was awful to work with. Interestingly, Kim Darby said she was afraid of horses and unlike Steinfeld (Whom she admired as her replacement), she was afraid of horses. Get this: "The woman who was my double," she said "was about 65 years old!" See, you can learn from typos and editorial mishaps.

I originally thought that No Child Left behind was a good idea primarily becasue I believe there is a need that standards for all aspects of American life should be raised. But also, NCLB is a great example of why the Feds should stay out of our schools. Period!


"The Spoilers" is what I like to call the current crop of political publicists and P/R people. They take clearly defined positions and muddy them to the point where it is impossible to see a solution or any chance for agreement and understanding.

The NCAA is exactly the type of organization we should not want governing the USA.

Reading between the Lines Movie reviews:
--Safe House starring Denzel Washington as Tobin Frost and Ryan Reynolds as Matt Weston looks like a winner to me. CIA agent Weston has a nowhere posting in a So Africa Safe House and has never seen an occupant. He startled out of his relaxed, playful existence when Tobin, the most dangerous man he has ever met, is brought in for his safeguarding. All hell breaks out, and Matt and Tobin become an unlikely duo who entirely distrust each other but must stay rely upon each other to elude bad guy killers.
--In The Vow, Channing Tatum plays the loving husband trying to regain the affection of his wife Rachel McAdams who has lost her memory of him after a car accident. Add in her annoying parents and former lover for whom she still has yearnings and you have s decent romantic drama.
--Journey 2: The Mysterious Island is a predictable adventure story with a big cast. An adventurer sets out with his step-father and besutiful daughter to answer a distress call from an island that should not be where it is. They find strange life forms and others secrets and the soon to blow volcano looms above. Eh!

Almost Near: Chapter 60 continues. "Florence, this is Audrey. Remember me?"
"Of course, deary. The kids never stopped talking about you after you left. You can't imagine how happy you made my little twosome."
Audrey now smiling to herself, almost forgetting the urgency of the call, "Thanks. Jeez, thanks."
"But, I have tell you Awdray, it's real weird that ya called. That Tucker friend of yours," Audrey stopped breathing, "was here this monin' and he's out now with the kids. Takin em for ice cream and ta buy some toys at the mall.
"What!" Audrey hoped she didn't scare Florence. She tired to soften her reaction. "Wha, What time did they leave?"
"Hope that's ok." Audrey was thinking in overdrive.
"I was just worried about Tucker. He seemed a little sick when he left, and I noticed he forgot some of his medicine. But," she laughed to sound relaxed. "I certainly didn't expect to find him there. That's an amazing coincidence. I was just calling to say hi. When he returns," Audrey didn't expect Florence would ever see him again. "Have him call me." And under her breath she said. If he doesn't come back call the police...or get out that big gun of yours and shoot him. "I'll be talking to ya Florence."

The Answer:

Stefanie Powers was the co-star in Hart to Hart. Betcha didn't know that her birth name was Stefania Zofya Federkiewicz! She was in many TV, film and stage roles after the hits series, but is still really best know for H2H. She spends time now in touring and local plays. Mostly though she as President of the William Holden Wildlife Foundation and Director of the Mount Kenya Game ranch, she spends her time working with zoos and speaking on wildlife preservation.

This will be a great weekend. Promise.

"I Love The Tid's"- Watson.

Today's Tids Issue 2,300
Opening Stuff:

Today's issue of the Tids will be written by guest commentator "Watson", fresh from his big win on Jeopardy. So, don't blame any typos on the Tidster. Watson lives in the world of texts and Tweets. So, anything goes. And Today's mess should be short and Pithy. But you have to wonder how much feeling he will be able to put into your favorite serialized novel, Almost Near.

Hey, I'm calling him "He". Is singularity upon us? Oooo-weeeeeee-ooooo.

It was better when we celebrated George Washington's and Abe Lincoln's birthday instead of the amorphous Presidents Day (Or Used-Car day as it has become.) At least people became aware of at least two great men instead of being totally oblivious to 44 nameless people on coins and plaques.

The Girl Scouts need a new baker!

The Question:
We have all laughed at the funny name of that folksy little company called Smuckers. But it is now a mega company comprised of many of your favorite brands. Name five.

Today's Headlines:
--Wall Street Expected To Open Lower After Jobs And Inflation Data; Stocks Fall Lower As Iran Ships Enter Sensitive Suez Area..
--Army Locks Down Capitol, Crushes Bahrain Protests; Protesters Killed In Lybian Anti-Gov Clash.
--Madison Wisconsin Streets Look Like Greece As Public Employee Unions Members Protest Anti Union Bill In Wisconsin Senate; Bill Would Strip Government Workers Of Nearly All Collective Bargaining Rights.
--New Unemployment Benefit Apps Jumps back Up To 410K.
--Solar Flares Slamming Into Earth's Magnetic Field.
--Iraqi Defector Admits To Lying About WMD Claims.
--Iran Naval Vessels Steaming Towards Mediterranean; Iran May Drop Request To Pass Through Suez.
--Accusation Noise Elevates As Budget Battles Continue.

Back to More Stuff:
Since Watson so graciously decided to step in and write Today's Tids, I thought it a good idea to stop and catch up on American Idol. Bad Idea. What an insufferable first forty five minutes of manufactured drama that was last night. I remember a couple of female singers who were outstanding and no men. The only name I can remember is Ashley who looked like Judy Garland strung out on bourbon and barbiturates. My only other observation of some significance was the apparent demise of so many country singers. But, you can be sure that I will suck it up and be on top of AI as it moves along. That's what Tid's guys do.

In case you are interested, Kelly Rippa loved AI last night.

King's Speech grabs you and never lets go.

The more we fund Government labs the more they come up with scary things about our favorite foods that may or may not have any affect on our lives. They basically develop evidence for class action lawyers and fodder for Nightly News medical experts.

Me, I am now totally addicted to Quaker Cheddar Cheese mini rice wafers. Actually they are kind of a health food unless you eat three bags at a sitting. Just one more please.

China appears to be acquiring Euros as a way to diversify against the Dollar. That doesn't sound too good, does it?

I think the world needs a web site called www.bookclubcheating.com for all of those people in book clubs who are often saddled with basically unreadable books. The site would offer easy to understand synopses of the book with several discussable plot and character observations.

Almost Near: Chapter 7 continues. --Samantha sat quietly, unmoving. Amidst a pile of papers strewn around her. She had been reading for thirty minutes and she was reading about her life in this town of Lobster Cove. How she loved the Cranbury-Ginger bread at Mrs. Fletchers pharmacy. How she eyed Zach while playing with his son Jimmy. They were all here. Vivid descriptions of every body she has seen in this town. Exactly the way she rememebred them. Everybody was here, Aunt Ginny warm and loving, the Editor of the paper who often asked her to write small articles. Everybody but Tucker. There was no mention of Tucker. No mention of the only person who seemed real. She sat amidst the most beautiful part of her life. Crying. Spent. Frightened. No, terrified.
She got up and walked as if in a trance, out the narrow door, down the back stairway. She walked across the kitchen, bumping aimlessly into the wooden wash-top table; The one she had just read of in that mass of paper.
She pushed open the dark green screen door and then heard it slam exactly how it had slammed many times in the words she had just read.
At the end of the driveway she turned up the hill and started running. Faster. Faster. Away from her life she left strewn upon the floor in that little room. She was nothing. She was only words on thousands of pieces of paper.

If you see a guy walking around town with a spray paint can in his hand, you are probably looking at a loser.

As scientists uncover new evidence about solar flares bouncing off the magnetic field, Congress has called on Al Gore to chair a commission that would rid us of solar flares.

It is interesting to see that the nation's most aggressive anti-government law has gained so much momentum in the legislative Halls of a state (Wisconsin) that was once considered a part of USSR!

All of these Middle East protests are either the people looking for democracy, or well organized anti American factions using the promise of democracy to unseat pro-American puppets.

The Answer:
How many of you have heard of Jif PB, Pillsbury, Crisco, Folgers, Carnation, Magic Shell (Delightful Ice Cream topper) and they are the manufacturer and grocery distributor of Dunkin Donuts coffee.

The End:
Do you think that Arms Obama's campaign against obesity has anything to do with current rash of indictments against good tasting foods?

Thanks Watson. You did good.

Stop! In the name of love.

Today's Tids Issue 2,206
Opening Stuff:

The moon last night appeared to be reflecting the eyes of lovers from all eternity; Reflecting upon an ocean surging with the emotions of satisfied love; Glistening off the surf pounding upon the shore like the beating of the hearts of all who have tasted the wonderful moments of true love.

I was flipping channels and all of sudden came across the face of ex Prez Clinton sporting that “I’m a tough Guy” look he has nurtured; pointing, wagging that finger of his. I hate it when he points that finger at me. And not because he points it…but because when he does it generally means he’s lying about something.

The Nike symbol is disjointed from everything in the world around it. It is well received because of the money poured into promote and not because it is pleasing to the eye. It clashes with my inner sense of design. And, it says to me, “Buy me and join the mindless sheep”.

The Question:
Everybody loves Sacagawea. Well, at least everybody living in a self absorbed, elitist cocoon. I supposed she was a pretty nice, helpful Indian maiden during her fifteen minutes of fame. Name five other well know Native American princesses.

The Headlines:

--Last Weeks Jobless Claims Move Up To 465,000; Surprise Increase Has Stock Futures Falling.
--GOP Issues Pledge To Voters: Lower Taxes; Lower Spending: Repeal HC; Cut Out Gov. Regulations (My Favorite); Transparent Constitutionality Of Bills; Three Days Of reading Before Voting;
--Admin Tries To Explain New HC Rules Beginning Today.
--Concerns Over Hygiene And Safety have Athletes Pulling Out Of New Delhi Commonwealth Games.
--New Poll That Shows Independents As Unhappy About Current State Of Politics As Republicans Bodes Ill Wind For Dems.
--Virginia Set To Execute Woman For First Time In Fifty Years; Woman Is Borderline Mentally Retarded; Ahmadinejad Says: “See, We’re Not So Bad After all.”
--End Of An Era: Blockbuster Files For Bankruptcy.
--Blackberry Announces Competitor To iPad.
--Elizabeth Warren: “Banks Seem Receptive To Change”.

Back to More Stuff:
Former Senator Chafee is right on the money when he reminds us that Government give-away cash almost all of the time creates unsustainable programs for the future. Or, unbearable taxes for the involuntarily coerced.

Eras don’t last very long any more, do they?

I think the case of the killing and robbery of real estate agents in Ohio is troubling. 2 dead and one robbed within one week is a lot more than a horrendous crime. It is probably a sign of the times. Where unlatched doors are forever a bygone sense of comfort and good neighborliness. Ohio Real Estate Agents are now being advised to not go out alone. Does this open the door for another mandated security company? Is fear controlling our daily lives?

Speaking of fear, these food Nazis just have to be stopped. How superficial is it to ban stuff in school when you know that the now ravenous children will rush to sugar laden pantries when they get home. Munching in front of TV’s and computers instead of running and playing outside, where they would surely burn off the few calories of an after lunch cookie. But the bigger problem is that it will over time tend to disable innate personally responsibility.

Talk about anger!! Last night I brought home my Kentucky Fried Chicken…and they forgot the G-R-A-V-Y! Talk about dashed dreams.

Any sports fan who doesn’t want the Chicago Cubs to win a World Series soon doesn’t have a heart.

Even if the economy is getting stronger, I would not have predicted a lowering jobless claims report in mid September considering that thousands of seasonal employers are probably starting to cut back. But then, I’m not a Clueless Lane genius. I guess if I were truly a Clueless Lane genius I would predict a tumbling of jobless claims and then sell short.

Last week I picked with my heart and had a miserable return to earth. The record went quickly from a sound 13-3 to 22-10 and a now flawed 68.75%. And the posers keep on coming. The tougher ones this week are Dal/Hous, Atl/NO, Tenn/NYG, SF/KC, Det/Minn, SD/Seattle, Indy/Den, NYJ/Miami and GB/Chi. I’m going with the Texans, Saints, Titans, Chiefs, Vikings, Seahawks, Colts, Dolphins and Packers. The rest are the Patriots, Ravens, Bengals, Steelers, Redskins, Eagles and Cardinals.

People will say about Clinton: “Yeah, but, he was a great politician.” Which translates to me, “He’s as big a phony who has ever tap danced across the American political stage.

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 95. –Jack handed the phone to Jason Cotter. All eyes focused on him. There was an unusual amount of tension in this room full of people who generally controlled everything in their worlds. Jason Was nodding and not smiling. “Ok, stay where you are.” He looked up, There are some problems. The biggest of which is that it appears the golden girl Maggie, or whatever her name is, could soon be escorted to this office by the state police.” There were several unusual guttural sounds. I just watched and waited for the worst of it. “Also,’ now he paused for a longer than expected a moment, “Also,” he looked at Jack, ‘Your man Bill Claxton appeared on the roof of the garage. Our guys…”
“Your guys” Jack interrupted.
“Yeah, my guys tried to gently persuade some information out of him. Apparently Claxton got edgy and we had to bop him.” It was silent. And the only thing noticeable was the rising crimson in Isabelle’s face which matched the boiling lava in a soon to erupt volcano..
But she was calm. “Jeffery, take Cotter here and get rid of him somewhere in the building where the state police won’t look.” Jason started to speak, But Izzy quickly shut him down, “We heard enough from your Cotter”. Then she turned to me, “Ok Kent what do we do now?”

The Answer:
The first that comes to mind was Pocahontas (Officially dubbed Princess after visit with Queen Anne, King James I). Actually, she’s the second who comes to mind right after Cherokee Angie Harmon. Of course, there was Gitche Gumee’s Minihaha lover of Hiawatha who is indelible in my fictional mind. One of the unsung greats was Nanye-Hi who was better known as Nancy Ward. She was Cherokee leader in the mid 1700’s and sought peaceful living with the dreaded white man. And was considered a Patriot by the DAR. You have probably never heard of her contributions because w=one of them was being the first Cherokee owner of Black Slaves! Kateri Tekakwitha was beatified by the Catholic Church. The list is quite humongous and ranges from early Seneca leaders like Queen Alliquippa and Mary Brant to accomplished artistes like Maria Tallchief and Carrie Underwood! Yes, that Carrie Underwood.

The End:
When I look at a gigantic moon, my heart always remembers and skips a beat.

(Note: To all of you newer Tids Readers, “Clueless Lane” in my mental meanderings refers to Wall Street).