News Fash: "Tids Sold to Al Jaserra."

Today's Tids Issue 3,060

Opening Stuff:

Well, I had thought of opening this issue with the big lie, but I figured you'd all be on guard for that, and I didn't want to begin sounding like the IRS or admin. So, anyhow, April Fools Day everybody! Enjoyed being fooled. It will condition you for the future. The Admin is holding up the ideals of fooling you well, so who am I to muddy the standards they have set with some shallow joke.

The only thing that the accomplishment of 7 Million signees means to me, is that we are one step closer to Big Government owning another piece of our lives. It's never great for America when we become more like Europe. Maybe that's why I'm not laughing this April Fools day.

The carbonated beverage industry is losing significant percentages of business. And, that's no joke. I think it will be in the long run good news for me. It will keep the prices lower, and I will do my part to keep the business moving forward. It's not just the angry-anti-happy-food-eater groups which are keeping them down, it's themselves! Those fruity flavored and energy spiked drinks are stealing market share, and the big Cola companies own or will own much if that so-called healthier side of gulping.

The Question:

Consumer reports just announced the five best and 5 least favorite supermarkets. Name them.

The Headlines:
--Paul Ryan Proposes Budget that Curs $5 Trillion; Democrats Wonder If Slashing Budget Is April Fools Joke.
--Russia Pulls Back From Boarder,; NATO And Diplomats Says They need More.

--Paula Jones Found Stashed In Hilliary's Secret Love Condo.
--Tiger Woods Out Of masters; Will Have Back Surgery.

--Many Skeptical About Fast Finish On ObamaCare Scramble For Signees; Many States Fall Far Short Of Goals.
--Red Sox Lose Opener; Grady Sizemore Impresses.
--CIA Photo Shows Tattoo, "I love the Big O" On Bare Back

Some days you just gotta feel like dancing in the aisles of a supermarket.

Celebrities just get weirder and weirder every day.

This is nervous time for investors. It always is ahead of earnings report time. Expect lots of negativity approaching the profit reporting. On top of the "sell, sell, sell agenda so far is the report about negative profit warnings being at it's highest level in history. The balancing news is that the groups calling for caution about overvaluations producing a bubble, the naysayers are pulling back. The market is behaving well right now as some investors are looking at the high level of warnings as lowering expectations. But then, what does it all mean anyhow...when it's a computer is making the trades.

I'd rather be known as a cheap skate than to be I debt.

April Fools day is probably that pagan holiday that atheists have been looking for. It seems to fit nicely, too.

The way people go ga-ga over inane things never ceases to amaze me. But that;s just the way the fawning of the new hot acronym "Yummy" is being described by a Business Week Editor named Kyle Stock. He writes that Yummy means Young Urban Male, the new target of marketers, and says "everyone is going nuts over it..." "Everyone". "Going nuts"  Talk about April Fools.

Celebs pay publicists to get them exposure and then they complain about it.

I thought the new proposal by a RI legislator was an AF Joke until I learned it was serious -- and then I cried. A representive actually proposed cutting the house districts from 73 to 52. So far, so good if are on the leaner goverment side of the equation. Then he said, and I proposed that one man and one woman must be elected from each district. How nutty is that?

The Answer:
The Top ten are Wegman's (East), Trader Joes, Publix, Costco, Sprouts (West plus Gs, Ks), Market Basket (NH, MA, Me), Raley's (Nev, Cal), Fairway Store,  Stater (Cal, Winco Foods (Tex + West coast.) The Bottom five beginnig with lowest marks from consumer are Wal-Mart, Shaws, Pathmark, Acme and Pick 'n Save. Frankly, I like Shaws.

I was in a Friendly's restaurant today and ordered their very fattening Paddy melt but without the sauteed onions. When our order arrived, the pleasant waitress passed out the dishes and then mine to me saying, "Paddy melt, Extra onions." I went  into my sulking pose, but before I began to speak, I heard, "just kidding!" She got me. You gotta love a person with a sense of humor.