Tell me something new.

Today's Tids Issue 5,383 

Just Drive: 

 

 

Are you surprised by the bank failures. I’m not. After all they are run by humans and humans always get caught up in the euphoria of apparent financial abundance, the greatest anesthetic of all to rational thinking and the resultant false invincibility. When interest rates go up the squeeze is on. Welcome to the orange juice economy.  

 

MSNBC and CNN have been trying to bring down Fox for decades and always failed miserably because of the rigidity of their often-absurd political positions. But perhaps now Fox has done it to themselves.  

 

Correct punctuation: The difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written. 

 

Anger is always hiding something else. 

 

The Question: 

Over the years we have asked questions about Girl Scout Cookies. Which are the best sellers, or which are most popular. But today I, with the aid of a knowledgeable, near genius reader, am asking you to rank the cookie types from nutritionally healthiest to unhealthiest. 

 

The Headlines: 

--Markest Soaring Early, Continuing Through Late Morn; Consumer Price Rise of 6% Slowest Since September 2021; Regional Banks Rally. 

--Meta’s Zuckerberg to Cut 10K More Jobs. 

--Highway Fatalities up 22%; Distracted Drivers the Big Reason; Lifelong Tragic Injuries Even More a Scourge. 

--Biden Signs Order to Increase Background Check on Gun Purchases.  

--Garbage Smothering Paris as Strike Continues. 

 

I'm trying to learn how to write like Shakespeare. After all, he broke some rules along the way and made-up words to fit his needs. But he was always true to one thing: Creating a rhythm to his sentences that matched the beating of his heart.  

 

Some people wonder why the pyramids were never mentioned in the Old Testament of The Bible. Simple. Nothing that is reported in the Bible came within 80 miles of Giza. 

 

Technologically, new cars may be wonders. But they are building in more distractions, more tempting than ever. Before we just pushed a button by memory now have ot read a screen. And of course, phones, not so “smart” in cars.  

 

Last month gave us the slowest price rise in a year and a half, but the prices still went up 6%. So it is basically a technical milestone that elates us, but I continue searching in vail for lower cost Diet Coke and Pepsi. Continue to feel the pain of finding life sustaining nectar out of reach. And the fact remains that it is unlikely prices will come down. And the rate increase will be naturally slowed as the base rate gets higher. And because there comes a point when even Americans will wake up and refuse to pay more. Unless, of course, it is an election year and the Federal government sends them checks.  

 

A reader writes to tell us that there are military installations named after failed Union Generals but none after US Grant. Only a Tomb on the West Side NYC highway. 

 

My Beloved Pats just lost one of my favorite players, Jakoby Meyers, to the LV Raiders, signing a 3-year deal to play with his former Pat’s OC coach Josh McDaniels. Alas. 

 

What the hell is next, Department: 

It used to be basically, embalm and let me wave goodbye in an open casket or turn me into ashes and put me in a jar. Now there is a movement rising where we will have the option to be buried unembalmed in a biodegradable container and become fertilizer for the flowers that grow in May. Personally, I like to look at a person knew and loved one more time.  

 

But then, I am a dinosaur. 

 

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? 

Because the pee is silent! 

 

Hollywood is lauding itself with much back patting for another “Historical” awards ceremony. I’d rather it was about movies I’d actually like to see. 

 

The Answer: 

Number one healthiest is the Trefoils (Shortbread). Next is my personal longtime favorite, Thin Mints. Tis his followed down th ladder to nutritional hell by Do-Si-Dos (Peanut Butter Sandwiches), Caramel Chocolate Chip, Lemon-Ups, Tagalongs (Peanut butter patties), Toffee Tastic (I could be swayed to commit sin here), GS S’mores, Toast Yay, Lemonades, Adventurefuls, Razzberry Delights and the Caramel delights known as Samoas. I’m calling my Girl Scout cookie delivery service as I type! Yum. 

 

250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. No, I'm not fat. I’m just not on the right planet.