Today's Tids Issue 5,345
Under a Tidscope:
Somebody the other day asked me who I would vote for in the Republican primaries. Primaries! I thought to myself. Aren't they a year away. Or at least the Repub conventions or something like that. Right now, I'm not thinking who I will vote for. I'm just playing the watch them squirm game. I look at politics as a strategy exercise. I like to see who makes mistakes and who is clever. Too many stick with some unwinnable issue that may poison a somewhat limited pool of potential Repub voters when the real motivation should be winning office. But I have no real love affair going on in my heart for any GOP combatants. Pain and simple, my idea is to get a Repub elected, I know for sure I would never vote for the NPL., National Plagiarist Laureate, Joe B., Mister Union Guy and misguided climate politician. That’s all I know.
I'll tell you what don’t know, and that was made loud and clear yesterday when ai received numerous emails reminding me that Abe was assassinated too. One guy even offered me free front row seats at the Ford Theater. Frankly, the Tids Editorial staff thinks Abe’s assassination gets too much publicity and as you know the Tids has always been for the underdogs, the publicly abused, Cheeto and gravy eaters, people who wear button down shirts instead of tank tops. You know, the hidden masses of real minorities. So, I just thought that Garfield and McKinley needed a little love. I just threw in F JFK because he is one of us. You know, fairness is fairness and the Tids is always there for you when you're hanging in the fringes of the clique circles.
There's no truth to the rumor that Fan Duel and Draft Kings are fighting for the rights to run the Stock Markets. Or, is there?
The Question:
Who assassinated Abe Lincoln and who were the so-called abettors and accomplices?
The Headlines:
--Markets Open Lower After Powell Says Higher rates are Here to Stay; Stocks Continue Drop Duringthe Day Credit Card Debt Becoming Bigger Problem.
--Rupert Murdoch Stepping Down as Chairman of Fox; Son Lachlan Steps Up.
--Hollywood Mahofs and Writers are Taking; There May be a Settlement.
--Forty-Five Students Injured When Chartered Bus Carrying Farmingdale HS Band Members Flips on I-84 In New York’s Orange County; One dead. Five Critical.
There are JFK monument and Street names and memorials across the country. I wonder if any are built on Indigenous people's lands.
A woman at a cocktail party asks an old two Star General when was the last time he a had sex. He answers 1945. “Oh you poor man,” she says, “Maybe I could help you out now. He looks at his watch, "No way, it’s only 2030”.
That is military humor in case you didn’t notice.
I thought I'd attempt humor before getting to picks after another week of mediocre Tids Pickers, though 11-5 isn’t awful. We are at but a meager 16-16 (50%), not exactly up to Tidspicker Standards. Ok. The TV game tonight is a good one. The Giants were truly gutsy last week but San Franis a better team. I go SF. I gotta pick the Ravens over the Colts, the Titans over the Chubbless Browns, and the Jags over Texas. The Falcons are showing me something and I was let down last week by the Lions. I’ll go home team Lions in a tough pick. Also tricky, is Pack and Saints. I like the Saints to stifle GB QB Love. The Broncs aren’t quite there yet so I gotta go Miami, I like their Coach. One “I don't know game” is the Vikes and Chargers. The Vikes are due to wake up at Home. The Commanders are playing tough. But the Bills are a very good team. This one is disturbing my gut, but I'll go Skins.
Another tough pick is Charlotte and Seattle. But the Panthers Rookie super QB is just not there yet. Ring one up for the Old man Pete Carroll and the Seahawks. I just ha c to pick KC over da Bears and Dallas over the Cardinals. But it will be the better game. The Steelers will make Jimmy G run for his life and they will win. On Monday night I like the Eagles over the Bucs, but I am just not feeling good about the Bengals/Rams. It really is do or die for Cincy. I’m saying they do. One last game is another big rivalry, and it involves my beloveds against the hated Jets in New York, I mean New Jersey. The Pats must win this game and they will find a way. Jets will have trouble scoring. Pats will get a lucky score. Actually, I'm looking for fairy dust on this one.
Three powerful guys, Prince William, Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg are holding what seems to be a practical understanding of climate conference in NYC. Gates for one says, “Climate is not the end of the planet”. It was a word of caution to the over-zealous youth begging them to tone down the hysteria. He is saying things are in place and working, so relax.
Steven King is only 76 years old; I feel like he has been around for centuries considering the total of his varied output.
Wall Street was excited about the Tech IPO Insta Cart. It opened strongish and today slid 11%. But that’s not the issue in my mind, Instacart is a grocery delivery company like all delivery companies We are talking about employees that are not particularly high on the critical skill list. For instance, the only test they may have passed is a driver's license test. I mean, will the nation crumble if people live without delivery services? Yet, it is a high flying "Tech” IPO. Are they betting that Instacart or Uber Eats takes over Meals on Wheels? I don’t really live in this world anymore.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Btw, Abe’s successor was Andrew Johnson the first Prez to be impeached, wrongfully if you want my two s cents.
Come to think of it. 2 Cents worth of opinion is really not much at all these days.
The Answer:
Of course, John Wilkes Boothe was the guy who shot Abe. His co-conspirators are David Herald, George Azterodt, Lewis Powell (Powell was assigned to kill Secretary State William Stewart), Mary Surratt (Owned the rooming house where the conspirators met; Was hanged), Michael O’Laughlen, Samuel Arnold, Samuel Mudd (The Doctor who set Boothe’s broken leg escaped death penalty by one vote), Edmund Spangler (An inside man at the theater), John Surratt (Maybe the ring leader of eh entire conspiracy who brought many of the players together (He got off with not guilty verdict)..
I was moving along,
But something went wrong
So, I lost some time
And Tids became late.
So, I sped up my rate
You got it by today’s date
And also, a nonsensical rhyme.
Cause of my tardiness crime.
See you tomorrow, E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y!!
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