No worry. We’ll raise your allowance.

Today's Tids Issue 2,209
Opening Stuff:

Wow! It’s the last day of the month that does nothing.

One of the reasons that the cost of organic lettuce is so high for average buyers who earn a living is that many communities are issuing vouchers that double the value of food stamps when used to purchase organic veggies from local farmers. Just one more example of how government or “do-gooder” meddling destroys basic economic principles of supply and demand.

In twenty years or so we will get our first presidential nominee raised on Facebook. Aspiring pols should be really careful about what’s on their “Wall”. In fact Facebook with its potentially damaging archives could own the US Government.

The Question:
Today marks the anniversary of the death of a famous undefeated boxer in an airplane crash. Who is he? Give me five more sports tragedies that were the result of airplane crashes.

The Headlines:

--East Coast On Alert For Earl.
--Petraeus Says Karsei’s Concern About Taliban Leaders Hanging Out In Pakistan Is Legit; But Adds That Pakistan Is Still On US/Allies Side.
--0-Man To Talk Of Iraq Victory As Afghan Escalates; New Englanders Must Choose between Loosing Sox, Prez or Weather Channel.
--Poll: 71% Of new Yorkers Want Mosque Moved To Another Site; Up From 63%.
--RI, Maine Top New England States In foreclosures: Two States In Top 10 nationally.
--Market Jittery Ahead Of Housing, Consumer Confidence Data.

In case you are interested, according to a new survey the five best airports in the US are Houston, Orlando, Minn/St.Paul, Portland (OR) and beautiful and cozy Providence RI. The five worst are the NYC airports, LA, St. Louis, Washington DC and Boston. I think the RI Airport authority has just been given a little new ammo for their continuing battle with Boston’s Logan.

Loser celebrities will always continue to proliferate because there is always some loser media publisher waiting to make a buck off of their antics.

Brookins and Cassatt tell us that a bookkeeper is a guy who checks out library books and never returns them.

Did you happen to notice that Mad Men captured a truck load of Emmy awards on a show that was having great ratings opposite the show Mad Men.

It’s not that he ever got out of it, but “Prime Time” returns to full campaign mode tonight with his boast of living up to a campaign promise by getting out of Iraq. This coincides with a national release of tid-bits about his daughters, who he and Michelle vowed would never have their lives made public.

Chicago citizens are so concerned about crime in the streets after one of the worst summers ever, they are calling for the National Guard to come in to patrol neighborhoods. I guess they have had some pretty poor community organizers in the past.

BTW, have you noticed that Obama’s 12 year old daughter Malia is almost as tall as Mom who is a really, really tall woman.

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 91 continues. “Good afternoon Kent. What’s happening?” God, I hate this guy.
“Well Jason, I was just about to ask you the same question, What’s going on about following the movements of the Durham woman now that she spotted you, And probably the whole town of Fosterville knows it?”
“No problem.” I hate people who say No Problem. We rented a new car which is more in keeping with the town.”
“Where is she now?”
“Isabelle called about a half hour ago to say she was on her way to Boston and we picked her up just as she left her town. She was tearing!” Oh no, I thought, as my mind raced back to the day when her car was forced off the road.
“So, Izzy just told you to follow her?”
“Sort of.”
“Sort of? What’s sort of mean?”
Iz told me that Durham could be a big problem and to work out a strategy.” I didn’t need to talk to this creep any longer.
“Bye.” I hung up and immediately dialed Boulder.
“Henry.” God he was relaxed.
“It’s Kent. Where’s Sarah?” There was a strange, long pause.
“Why do you ask?”

Making you feel Guilty Department:
Ever wonder about the disposing of batteries? I haven’t. but, there is a right and wrong way to do it. Almost all of the common alkaline/manganese, nickel metal hydride and Carbon Zinc AAA, AA, C, D, 6V and 9V can be tossed in the trash. Button batteries used in hearing aids, toys or greeting cards must be brought to the “Household Hazardous Waste site” (I’m not kidding – “Happy Birthday!” and be sure to waste half a day trying to find a hazardous waste site. Shoot me.) Car batteries must go back to place of purchase. Silver Oxide, nickel cadmium, lithium and sealed lead acid must also go to that mysterious recycling center, wherever it is.

Yesterday I was driving behind a SUV emblazoned with the words “Environmental Police”. And I’m thinking, what’s next. “Fatty Meats Police”, “High Sugar Content Soda Police”, “Wearing Fur Coats in Public Police” or “Don’t Harbor Bad Thoughts about Muslims Police”.

There was a huge survey just published by Beloit U. about what kids today never knew existed. How about simpler, unencumbered times.

Do you get the feeling that politicians today read 1984 thinking it was full of great ideas. While the folks read it laughing that it could never happen here.

The Answer: 
Rocky Marciano of Brocton Mass never lost a fight but lost his life in a 1969 Iowa plane crash. Next, I remember the great Roberto Clemente who died in a crash as he was delivering food to island hurricane survivors. Then there is the US figure skating team of 1961, the Marshall College Football team, Knute Rockne, Thurman Munson, and the U of Evansville Men’s Basketball Team. Of course the strangest was the death of golfer Payne Stewart when all members of a private plane flight were overcome and the plane continued under auto-pilot until it ran out of fuel. I’m sure you have some others.

The End:
The way things are going the letters U.S. will soon stand for United Subsidies.

About two months ago the Tids reported that RI’ers should be worried about the prospects of hurricanes due to the warming of local waters. Now, I am really worried as Earl swirls while hurricane shutters unfurl. “Unfurl for Earl”.

But not as depressed as I am about the Red Sox. Just three days ago I was joyous as the Sox came with 4 1/2 games of the co leaders of the AL East. This morning they are 7 out. It's over.

My bellybutton?

Today's Tids Issue 2,173
Opening Stuff:

New nickname for the U. S. of A.: The sycophant country.

This warming spell is bothering me, mainly because the ocean is getting too hot up here. Warm waters are more likely to induce hurricanes to come up the coast. Last year for instance, when announcements or watches and warnings were issue for the East Coast, cool waters kept me calm.

The Question:
I thinking that the great new battle cry for the US of A should be “Remember Arizona”. Give me three other well known US battle cries.

The Headlines:
--New Poll Shows Americans Unwavering In Support Of Arizona Over The US.
--New Washington Post/ABC Poll Has 0-Man Slipping Again; Approval rating Down To 43%; 58% have No faith In Prez; Less Faith In Republican And Dem Congress.
--Oil Well Cap Secured; Testing Begins.
--Sox’ David Ortiz Wins Home Run Derby.
--Steinbrenner Dead At 80.
--French Overwhelmingly Approve Ban On Burqa Style Islamic Veils.
--US Trade Deficit Widens To $42.3 Billion.

Back to More Stuff:

I always thought that Mel Gibson looked a little nutty in many of his movie parts. You know, wide eyed and unstable. Now we are learning that he wasn’t acting.

Jimmy The Greek Exoneration Department:
Low and behold, it appears that Jimmy the Greek was right after all – Blacks and whites are different. And new research has proven that it is all in the “belly buttons”. This is true folks. Somebody funded a group of PHD’s with little to do to determine why blacks are better at some sports and whites at others. Because the black’s bellybutton is higher, it creates a locomotive effect which powers up running. On the other hand the longer torsos of the white positions the BB lower which gives whites a huge advantage in swimming by creating a wave effect. Don’t tell Jesse.

The Chinese bellybutton is in the crotch area which makes them better ping pong players.

My bellybutton is full of lint which is great for Tids writing.

While the trend lines signaling a decline of pure capitalism and the historic robust economy versus the rise in the popularity of soccer is certainly disheartening, it may not be as culturally significant as another soccer fan characteristic uncovered at the World Cup Games. Soccer Fans don’t like sex. That’s right…the prostitutes are howling. They are claiming the worst sex drought in the history of the town, or maybe even all of South Africa. They can hardly wait til the Soccer fans leave and romance for a price roars again.

There has to be something terribly wrong with the new Financial Reform Bill just because Congress designed it.

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 81 continues. -- I looked at Kent. Alone and unshielded in his large, glassed office. Some how he didn’t look quite so confident sitting there open to the world wondering what was happing in the bosses office. With the woman he wanted to see in his bed. I turned and walked down the long haul from the executive suite to the reception area. I didn’t look back, but I could feel Kent’s eyes burning into the back of neck. I started to feel warm. I wanted to turn back, but I clenched my hands and kept moving.
When I rounded the corner that would bring me to the lobby, I took out my cell phone. I stopped. I turned around, but only edged back to the corner. I took a quick glance back and saw Kent rushing into Izzy’s office.
That is definitely not a surprise I thought as I walked back to the lobby doors and out to the car. I waved at “smiley” and punched in a couple of numbers.
Bill picked up as I stepped off the curb towards the parking lot. “Hi Boss” he said immediately There are no secrets in the new technology world.
“Bill, I just left Izzy and she is trying to play hardball on this legal thing. I think she is bluffing. But, I think you should call the treasurer and tell him we’re sending up a few auditors.”
“Right away boss.” He answered somewhat sarcastically. I didn’t say anything more. “Does your silence mean that this conversation is over?” He paused. “I think my Maggie is back in town.”
I just answered, “See you later.” Then I dialed Paul.

The Answer:
Remember Pearl Harbor and Remember the Maine come quickly to mind. Then there was Remember the Alamo. White didn’t we say Remember 911 when we invaded Afghanistan.

People just have to get back to feeling shame and guilt. And stop looking for answers in our belly buttons.