We're an open book.

Today's Tids Issue 2,373
Opening Stuff:

Did you see where the Vancouver Police located and arrested most of the post NHL Championship rioters after going into FaceBook and finding people boasting of their participation in destructive vandalism. Why do people have this insane desire to give away their privacy? I really, really don't get it. And I hope I never do.

A reader through exhaustive research has confirmed it. It was the moon. And especially the full eclipse of the moon that lit the path for the Bruins Stanley Cup victory. The last time there was a full eclipse of the moon was in October 2004...when the Red Sox won the World Series for the first time in 86 years. Ooooo-weeee-oooo.


To all of those people who increasingly think their dogs are equal to or better than most humans, remember that rover still drinks out of toilet bowls and licks his...Oh, wait a minute, this is a family column.

The Question: 
Double Bonus. 1. name five oif Barry Manilow's greatest hits. 2. And, here is one for the West Coast readers. There is a group of islands off the Cal coast known as the Channel Islands. How many? Name them.

The Headlines:

--IMF Cuts US Growth Forcast; Warns Washington, Europe To Get Serious About Debt.
--Greek Crisis eases After Gov. Reshuffle.
--Wall Street Rising On Better Greek News.
--Rory McElroy Tearing Up Open; Young Golfer has 8 Stroke Lead.
--NATO Targets Tripoli; Shells Misrata Area.
--Antony's Lawyers Continue To Work Mirrors.
--New Public Policy Pol Following Debate Has Romney, Bachman 1,2; Rasmussen Pol Has Romney With Wider Lead At 33%.

Back to More Stuff:
That Weiner press conference was an ethereal moment. But maybe the entire Weiner affair is just representative of a new retarded culture in America. Perhaps you read the little news story about the white woman who surprised her soldier husband returning from Afghanistan with a little black baby girl. She told her loving man that "She became pregnant after seeing a very realistic 3D porn movie with a bunch of her girl friends, And, that the baby looked just like the actor in the film". The husband immediately said he understood, adding that they really make those 3D movies realistic! Maybe we should sue the theater", he said. The wife would make a great politician.

Maybe you've seen in your newspaper the PolitiFact Truth-O-Meter. This is a service that tries to determine the truth of (mainly) politician statements. One examination of a Political person's statement about The Government banning incandescent light bulbs determined that the Pol lied. PF said that the Government has not banned incandescent bulbs. So, the politician was a "Liar liar pants on fire" dissembler. Of course they said that a law has been passed that ceases the manufacturer of incandescents on a step down program from 2013 to 2016. In other words, we ain't banning them but try to buy one! And the hypocrisy continues.

Of course, nobody is talking about the immense pressures on the production of rare earth metals, which are not only integral to smart phones, hard drives, TV Screens and aircraft parts, but which will also be incorporated into every Light Bulb produced as the non-banned incandescent ceases to be available. China currently produces 97% of the rare earths, but the US is trying to catch up fast. The real problem is that the costs of these rare earths is expected to skyrocket ,and so will the price of your light bulb and favorite electronic device. Just when you think it is safe to buy corn again, rare earths bring new pressure to daily life.

Actually, I love dogs. I just worry about their owners who seem to have lost their grasp on reality. Did you hear that NYC has to pass a law forbidding humans from depositing their ashes in pet cemeteries?

Weiner was a little worm way before he proved it. I think, though, that I now know why he became what he became both as a pervert and an annoying congressman. His roll model was Charles Schumer! He didn't stand a chance.

Does anybody in the US really care about Libya? Except Libyan immigrants.

Reading between the Lines Movie reviews:
--This exciting Sci-fi tale follows Hal Jordan, a member of the elite Protection force known as the Green Lanterns, as he discovers the true value of his power and more importantly the meaning of them.It is about a threat froma powerful foe and the balance of power in the universe.
--If Jim Carey doesn't over-emote, Mr. Popper's Penguins could be a great family movies. A hard drivign real estate salesman gets an inheritance of 6 penguins which consume his life and change his veiw of the world.

1The Answer: 1. For all of you elevator riders, the big five for Manilow are Mandy, Copacabana, Somewhere Down the road, Can't Smile Without You, Could it be Magic and Looks Like We Made It. You probably know that Barry started as an Ad Jingle Writer and early efforts includes the Band-Aid song and the State Farm theme "Like a Good Neighbor". 2. There are 8 Channel Islands off eh coast from Santa Barbara to San Diego. They are Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz, San Miquel, Anacapa, Santa Cat5alina, Santa Nikolas, Santa Clemente and Santa Rosa. Enjoy the sun.

The (Weak)End:
In case you missed it, Weiner's apology was the first campaign speech of his comeback. Snake.

A very sincere apology to the people hwo actually read and love Almost Near. It will return next week, as will my mind for the rest fo you.

Have a great weekend.

And a Happy Father's day! Everybody is a kid.

Not quite War.

Today's Tids Issue # 2.329

Opening Stuff:

A brilliant Ivy League bound student, Rachel Hachero, pistol whipped her mom and dragged her to a Nissan car dealer to co-sign for a car she couldn't afford. She should do well on Wall Street after graduation.

NBC's "The Event" is beginning to live up to some of the promises.

How long before John Calipari leaves Kentucky just ahead of the NCAA sheriff?

Daily Question:
Knowing that Book Clubbers can be embarrassed or praised based on their reccomendation for the monthly book, NPR has come up with a list of five winners. What do you think they are?

The Headlines:

--Consumer Confidence Index Falls On Anxiety Over Increasing Gas Prices.
--Libyan Rebels Pushed Back from Daffy Home Town.
--Japan On Maximum Nuke Alert.
--Israel Would Annex West Bank If Palestinians Request State Recognition; Move Would Effectively End Peace Prospects.
--Court Hearing Today Will Decide Elements Of Wisconsin Union Bill.

Back to More Stuff:
I thought the Prez speech was well delivered and certainly innocuous enough not to hurt him in the polls. In fact, it may give him a boost. It was just 2 to 3 times longer than needed to say what he said.

Oh yeah, and "...Turning it over to NATO" doesn't mean US troops won't be involved.

We could call this the "Innuendo" War. Decisions seem to be based on little definitions designed to escape the inevitable and the reality of the conflict. Like for instance, when does a citizen in danger become a rebel member of an attacking force?

But let's face it, the reason many of these uprisings are working is because Bush stirred up and gave courage to the Middle East populace by bringing down in a humiliating manner a dictator and tyrant in Iraq.

The computer expert with the difficult commute had a hard drive.

I see that HBO is doing a movie on Sarah Palin and McCain. We know it will probably be a major hatchet job, but what I can't understand is Julianne Moore playing Sarah. The redhead with the soft, almost regal features does appear to have the earthy dynamics of Palin.

A lot of coroprate eyes will be riveted to the Supreme Court case involving a potentially huge class action sexual harrassment suit against Wal-Mart. A decision in favor of the plaintiff could begin a class action move of up to 1.5 Million plaintiffs and the continuation of suits already brought against Goldman and Bayer. And of course many more to come. US companies may move all corporate headquarters to Iceland.

Every day you can find an article or hear a news cast with hints on how to live longer. I think not listening to political discussions would be a good one.

When you tune into the new Dana Delany TV show "Body of Proof" set in Philadelphia, you'll be looking at Providence RI. Yup, the show was shot in Prov, but I guess they thought Philly had a better image for the show. Go figure.

The Answer:
NPR commentator Lynn Neary has been embarrassed herself, so she put together this list of good discussion books that are enjoyable to read: Parrot and Oliver in America - Peter Cary; Wench - Dolan Perkins Valdez; Faithful Place - Tanya French; The Imperfectionists - Tom Rachman; Sunset Park - Paul Auster.

Good New Finish Department:

South Carolina Legislators are about to pass the "Incandescent Bulb Freedom Act". This in response to anger against the feds telling them how to light their closets and reading lamps. Good for them!

"Almost Near" will return in all of its glory tomorrow.

Eat at home.

Today's Tids Issue # 2,323
Opening Stuff:

Did you feel something special Yesterday? Did your heart fly to the moon. Did you walk on clouds? Did you drive out to the countryside for an ice cream cone? It was the first day of spring! The day ground rumbles from the energy of flowers ready to burst forth. The day the sun's warmth caresses your body a little differently than the week before. The day you slog through the mud from thawing fields. Happy Spring everybody.

Some of the best chefs I have ever encountered are people like you and me who are very adept at cooking great food in their own kitchens.

The Question:
What iconic Pennsylvania Company is poised to produce it's 500 Millionth product this year. (Hint product used for habit now in disfavor.)

The Headlines:

--Daffy Vows Long War; US Says Libya Forces In Disarray After Bombings.
--Stocks Expected To Show Healthy Rise; News Of AT&T Purchase Of T-Mobile Leads Positive News.
--Buffett Says Japan Tragedy Presents Solid Buying Opportunity; Good Companies Siffering Temporary Downturn Will Rebound Soundly.
--New Smoke From Japan Reactors Have Workers fleeing.
--Tanks Deployed In Yemen Capitol.
--Russia's Putin Says UN Action In Libya "Reminds Him Of Crusades".

Back to More Stuff:
It seems to me, if I remember correctly, that the substantive reason used by the US when finally attacking Iraq was because the outrageous dictator there snubbed the UN warnings. The WMD's were the fodder of late night comics, but the arrogance of the tyrant ignoring UN ultimatums was the legal reason, as it is today in Libya. The political powers are dolefully and sanctimoniously proclaiming that attacks on Libya are humanitarian. But, where were they during the slaughter in Darfur, or for that matter the carnage in China?

Where is it written that my obligation in life was to support over priced restaurants.

"What a Crock" Department:
I see where they are selling out the Charlie Sheen traveling medicine show. But, nobody knows what he is going to do. Will he go into a coma as fans blindly roar in approval? Will he trash the stage injuring some first row fanatics? Will we see EMC's rush on stage and perform lifesaving resuscitation?
Americans love to be taken.

Is it me, or do others think it's too much of "All Oprah all the time". And, when will it ever stop.

Almost There: Chapter 13. --"Dante Wallowitz?"
"Yes. Who is this?"
"Oh, Dante, you probably don't remember me.. I'm Samantha Wilcox!" Samantha listened to silence on the other side of the line.
After a nervous 2 or 3 seconds "Of course I do. Wow...Samantha. It's been, what fourteen, fifteen years.?"
"About fifteen. Well Dante, you have certainly done well for yourself. A lawyer!
"It's noce you think it's an honorable profession." Dante laughed putting Samantha at ease. "What brings you to town."
Samantha's initial reaction was to say "I don't know." But she answered, "I wanted to talk to you about my parents. Martha told me you handled their house closing."
"Yes I did. But, it was along time ago.."
Samantha interrupted before he could formulate an excuse. "How about it I come over in about a half hour. Are you busy?"
"I'm always busy or else how could I charge clients. But I have few free minutes left. I would love to see you." But don't count on learning much."
"You'd be surprised about how little can be a lot." Dante laughed as they hung up.

In case you were wondering, the Top Ten teams in the just completed NCAA Wrestling Championships are Penn State, Cornell, Iowa, Oklahoma State, American U, Arizona State, Minnesota, Lehigh, Boise State and Wisconsin.

Obama seems to be pretty good at playing the "rope-a-dope" game. He's not doing much, issuing a little boiler plate here and there in response to national and global emergencies. A master politician through and through. And, there isn't anything much lower than a politician.

NPR reporters are saying the real reason that NPR is sinking is because their management sucks and has no clue about how to survive. They are probably operating their company in that entitlement twilight zone.

The Answer:
Zippo is the product! For eighty years smokers relied on this flip top device, and even today the brand is considered ultra-cool. The company will produce about 12 million lighters this year but the future will rely on the successful application of their famous name to a variety of products like leisure clothing, watches and cologne. I'll believe it when I see it.

The End:
Actually I'm thinking Zippo Cologne Odeur de Fumee; Clothing reeking of stale cigarette; Watches showing years lost from smoking.