World View: etc!: Do you feel lethargy?

Friday, July 22, 2022

Do you feel lethargy?

Today's Tids Issue 5,219

Gone fishin':

Yesterday I promised more jokes for today to end the week on the funny side of life. But then I realized that I write about politicians every day.

Last night the US Congress opted for prime time for the big Finale to their Summer TV inquisition show. From what I have heard and read across the spectrum; it didn’t achieve Zowie status. Of course, the ex-Prez looked real bad, but we didn’t need a congressional trial to prove that.

Today is “World Brain Day”. Social Media is sending me a different signal.

Do you think that flowers ever think, “Thanks for coming around and watering me”. Or is watering flowers still a pure altruistic human action. Dogs wag their tales and cast stop acting smug and purr a little for a moment or two, but flowers, what to they feel from an act of simple human kindness? Maybe they just bloom brighter so we will smile broader.

Mr. Obvious; will was a dead give-away.

The Question:

See how you do answering this threesome. -- How do you make an octopus laugh? --What did the limestone say to the geologist? --To get to the other slide.

The Headlines:

--Markets Meandering; Slowdowns, Mergers, Supply Chain Issues Have Analysts Guessing About next Five Months.

--Ukraine Russia Sign Deal To Allow Ukraine Grain Exports To Ease World Food Shortages.

--NY GOP Candidate For Governor, Lee Zelden, Assaulted At Campaign Stop In Rochester.

--J6 Witnesses Say Trump Did Too Little To Stop Assault On US Capitol; Pence And Secret Service Agents Feared For Their Lives During Siege.

--Multi-Day Women's Tour de France Begins Today; First Time In Decades.

I probably like music as much as anything. Not that you should care.

“Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.” --Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller was one of the funniest comedians ever, but you have to wonder if women's groups would allow much of her humor in public. Actually, that's the plight of many comedians today. People don’t laugh at themselves anymore.

Captain Kidd always found away to buy his corn for about a buck-an-ear

Nascar is saying they have plans for Electric car racing set for as early as 2023. There will be obvious limitations due to battery life. It’s expected there will be a series of 30-minute races, with a lot fewer cars. And of course, the big mystery -- How will they thrill the patrons with pure silence, without roaring sounds. So, it is expected they will pump in noise, and it won’t be bluebirds a singing. So the big three race alternatives, Nascar, Indy and F1 are thinking about the silent spring, summer and fall of the future, but they will much rather see a carbon exemption from Congress.

Remember well written dramas that didn’t rely on over-the-top action for thrills. Psychological tension can be as exciting as a hero hanging by his girlfriend's hair braids over an abyss. And, far less predictable.

A headline just popped up on my phone: “Here’s what a happens after drinking just one diet soda. Of course, I wasn’t interested in reading it. I drink four or five diet sodas a day and I figure my body has made all the proper adjustments. Besides, if I stop, I’d be in withdrawal. Who needs unsolicited advice anyhow?

My photographs don't do me justice---they look just like me. --Phyllis Diller

A new study on golf competition has been released. It shows clearly that PGA golfers, and especially the top players, actually played worse than their normal when Tiger Woods was in the field. According to the study group that's called the “Superstar” effect. Players tended to play defensively feeling that if Tiger makes up his mind to win, and he always did, Tiger will find a way.

The Answer:

How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles! -- What did the limestone say to the geologist? “Don’t take me for granite!” -- Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.