Today's Tids Issue 3,091
Opening Stuff:
I sit here upon our beautiful coast
Seeing
the land of which I love to boast
Yet
what I know is what bothers me most
Our
leadership’s turning it all to burnt toast.
The Last time we had overvalued Tech IPOs and
prospects of split after split was just before a painful crash. Everybody says
it’s different now, but I get skitterish easy these days. That’s what happens
when you have less time to bounce back.
The nightly news reported the snow storm in
Colorado yesterday in a way that would suggest it as new evidence in climate
change. Evidence of climate change would be if it didn’t snow in May somewhere
in Colorado. I spent a summer there working in 1956 and it snowed every month but
July! It’s just the way it is, and always has been, in the Rockies.
The Question:
Over
the years The Tids have published anything that resembles a pun. Here are some
opening lines of puns all of which long time readers have seen before. See
if you can come up with the humorous rest of the sentence: 1. A will is a___ 2.
Time flies like an arrow: ____ 3. A chicken crossing a road: ____ 4. If you don’t
pay your exorcist____ 5. A grenade fell on a kitchen floor in France resulting
in____ 6. A boiled egg ____ 7. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison is
____ an one of my all time favorites…I wondered why the baseball kept on getting
bigger____
The Headlines:
--Stock
Futures Rising Ahead Of retail Sales report; European Stocks Set new High for
Sixth Day.
--IPHone
6 Expected To Give Buyers All That They Have Been Wanting.
--US
Using Aerial Reconnaissance To Locate Missing Nigerian Girls.
--German
Foreign Minister To Help Broker Peace In Ukraine.
--2
Miners Trapped In West Virginia Coal Mine After Accident.
--Radio,
Pop Music Icon Casey Kasem Still Missing; Super Jock Has Severe Parkinson’s.
Most of what is reported hysterically in the news
doesn’t bother me, except things like MERs in America. Where was I? Who did I
touch? I hate creepy things you can’t see.
It appears that donating
funds to
politicians just allows them to keep more of their PAC’s for vacations.
In addition to the fact that Michaels
Sam performed miserably at the NFL combine, many coaches probably avoided him simply
because of the real potential of a disruptive media circus invading practices.
The Voice performances were very entertaining last
night as we saw a final five with a lot of talent. Even if you weren’t familiar
with the songs, as it happened to be in my case, the quality and creativity of
the voices never wavered. Jack Worthington to many may be the least talented of
the bunch but he delivers great pure unadulterated country every time. So here’s the deal – Josh seems to be on
another level in the eyes of both critics and voters. Christina was at the level
but may have confused some voters last night. Kristen has the voice to be at
the lever, but falters. And Kat has been at that level, but only when singing for
her life as a bottom 3 contestant. Jake usually has three or four good notes per
song that are at that level, and he introduces them at the right time to keep
his candidacy alive. So tonight they will vote three finalists in, two of which
should be Josh and Christina. My original feeling is that Kristen Merlin will
be one, although Kat was better last night. But, and this is real but, Jake has
the big country block on his side and that could make him the third.
By the way, the bogus feud between Adam
and Blake is getting real tedious real fast. It’s become the “Get-this-crap-over-real-fast”
segment.
A dog gave birth by the side of the road and
was cited for littering.
Hey, how about the most popular boys
name being Noah! I doubt if my name Richard will be ever popular again, because
new Mom’s just don’t like other kids calling their son dick! In fact my full name
is Richard William Peter – hmm, dick, willie, peter. I don’t stand a chance.
I’m having trouble filling
the Tids,
because I just am tired of writing the same old things about politicians. Every
time you think there is a glimmer of hope for progress, they fall back into the
same old rut – they’ve got to get elected so principle and truth be damned.
Being the idealist I’m am, I get upset when dishonesty,
irresponsibility are so enabled by hypocrisy. I still like the idea of the
purity of white knights on chargers striding in to rescue beautiful maidens and
people always living happily ever after. All things good still could be
dominant if so many people weren’t creating excuses for uncivilized behavior.
Or, maybe I have it all
wrong.
Maybe the bleakness I see at times comes from a media focus on the negative
instead of on all of the good and honest people who still dominate our society.
Or maybe I had nothing to say this
morning and am just trying to fill space…like the media often does.
Maybe I should watch the Today Show or GMA before
writing the Tids. You know, I have never intentionally seen any of the early
morning shows. The serenity of the morning is my time.
The Answer:
1.
A will is a dead giveaway. 2. Time flies like an arrow, fruit lies like a
banana. 3. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 4. If you don’t
pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 5. A grenade fell onto to a kitchen
floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart. 6. A boiled egg is hard to
beat. 7. A short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at
large. 8. I wondered why the baseball kept on getting bigger and then it hit
me. How’d you do?
Have a terrific day everybody.
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