Misguided.

 

Today's Tids Issue 5,497 

Too many Circuses: 

 

Miscommunication may be the single biggest problem in all aspects of life.  

 

People are wondering why they can catch the Trump trial on TV. Duh... like justice is served better outside circuses.  

 

If your objective is to get people to agree with your cause as being sane and rational, closing down the Golden Gate Bridge for five hours seems like a dumb idea to me. 

 

When Lord Nelson died, he was 5ft. Tall. His statue in London is 15ft. Tall. That's Horatio of 3 to 1. 

 

Inflation is so bad that The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. 

 

The Question: 

Ok, here’s an easy one. How do you think Americans rank the best things to put on a hotdog? 

 

The Headlines: 

--Mellon Bank and JP Morgan Post Strong Profits While BoA drops 18%; J&J comes in Strong. Markets Wavering as Earnings Reports Trickle In 

--Biden Admin Expects Minimal Response from Israel.  

--Picking Unbiased Jury in Trump Trial Expected to Be Arduous Adventure.  

--Denmark’s 1625 Stock Exchange Building Destroyed in Fiery Conflagration. 

--A very a large percentage of Iran Citizens Oppose "Reckless Adventurism of the Country's Elite Islamic Revolutionary Guard.”.  

--Caitlin Clarke #1 in WNBA Draft. She will Be with Indiana Fever.  

 

I found a $20 bill in my pocket today and I thought, remember when that would mean something.  

 

Inflation is so bad that Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. 

 

The NBA season is over and now the season begins.  

 

Internet Social Media reactions are not generally good information upon which to make key decisions. It is not a majority and not a statistical representation of anything. It anxious people who know how to type quickly on phones.  

 

It is starting to look like the US EEOC can use the workplace discrimination laws to invoke anything they want upon US businesses. Talk about collateral damage.  

 

Joe B is still out there pushing the Wealth tax. It is truly a bad Idea if you are an American.  

 

Trump a has more faults than the average promiscuous president but Biden will lose the election because too many Americans can’t afford to shop for food anymore.  

 

Inflation is so bad that Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. 

 

The Answer: 

Number One is of course Mustard. Which generally finds a place on my lap, shirt or tie. Next are onions, Cheese Ketchup and Chili Con Carne. Then we have Relish Bacon Saur Kraut and Dill Pickles. Number Ten is Jalapeno Peppers. In Rhode Island Celery Salt ranks up near the top five, but on this national list it is #16. The Next four are Mayo, Hot Sauce, French Fries and Cole Slaw. 

 

A duck got trampled. So, a woman, its owner, brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."  
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."  
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.  

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.  
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150." 

 

Be careful about what you ask for.