You’re kidding, right?

 

Today's Tids Issue 5,486 

Knock, Knock: 

 

Alert: Tik Tok a has taken over the Pentagon. All communications to the outside have been blocked. The doors have been locked. And generals are running around halfcocked. Alas, it is April, and it is the first which as you all know is the day for fools. But in today’s world it’s tough to tell where the jokes end. I'm thinking this morning as I wrote to introduce our fourth and quite beautiful month, that it will be hard to tell truth from fiction you know... a lot like in politics today. 

 

But the truth is that April is a wonderful month. Sometimes not quite as wonderful as it’s conjured up to be in song and poetry. But the flowers do come, albeit at times peeping though flakes of snow.,. And we certainly had April showers during the month of March. Golfers normally can get out and play in April in the Northeast My socks are all in the drawer til next late November. There is a greater feeling of being able to walk outside again and feeal that wrmth upon your back. I like April. The grey seems to just disappear like magic. And that is good. 

 

Most critics have never played the game. Suddenly in the eyes of Conservatives whose only attribute is complaining about anything and everything, think Johnson is doing a bad job. Of course, they have dared to take command where they might understand the full effect of results from the biggest decisions in the country. In America all the people count. It's not unlike critics of sports by people who have never played the game or run a team; the movie critic who have never written a scene; food critics who think chicken and rice and rich creamy gravy isn't gourmet.  

 

The easiest people to fool on April 1 are babies born on March 31. They were born yesterday 

 

The Question: 

What are the ten top Comedy/Mystery Movies. 

 

The Headlines: 

--Trump Drops Out of Race to Join Episcopal Priesthood; Admits Reading his New Bible was a Unique Powerful Experience; I'm like Saul; People like Me. 

--Dow Drops Like Rock at Opening of New Q; Techs Sluggish but Up. 

--Musk’s Personality affecting Tesla Car sales Negatively. 

--Merryl Streep named New President of the NRA. 

--Trump has Proof Showing That all his Awkward Antic Moments are a Russia Generated Hologram. 

 

My guess is that there won't be an interest rate cut for a while.  

 

The best way to solve problems is to tackle them. 

 

The guy with no sense humor had a prankless April 1. 

 

Will TV reporters ever learn to ask short questions. It has to be embarrassing for guest experts sitting there squirming before the camera listening to a two minute or more question requiring a ten-word answer.  

 

A woman went into a seafood restaurant and requested a lobster tail. The waiter smiled and said, "Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…" 

 

A good reason to have a broad and varied base of friends is that you can get away with wearing the same outfit for a week.  

 

I don't think that March Madness has captivated the hearts of sports lovers, and certainly bandwagon jumpers-on, much this year. The gambling world, maybe. No fun Cinderella team has captured the imagination of the sporting world or casual fans and... Maybe playing their big games on Easter is a bad Idea.  

 

The Answer: 

Number One is Clue. It is followed by Knives Out, Murder by Death, Hot Fuzz, Who Framed Roger rabbit, Fargo, The Nice Guys, Murder Mystery, Fletch and Game Night.  

 

This issue of Tids is over and nine of ten doctors say it will not cause hearing loss or strange stomach maladies. Just be careful what you believe today.