Puns keep you honest.

Today's Tids Issue 3,305
Opening Stuff:

The robins are nestled in their nests, ear muffs snugly fit to their heads. The squirrels in tree huts and flowers under the frosty ground were snuggled together as the freezing day even had the worms burrowing further below towards the core’s boiling magma. Then a little light, as the sun blipped above the horizon in the east, and filtered through the bare limbed trees, slowly enveloping in the soft mornings glow the nests and dens and flower below the ground. Slowly the robins twittered and stood upon their nests, and the Squirrels stretched and frittered away to the brown beneath the trees. A crocus shoved and shoved and finally broke just barely into the sun.  And if my magic they all looked up at the humans at windows mouths agape as snowflakes gently fell, and shouted, “Happy Spring, everybody!

 

It was nice to see that Chicago politics doesn’t work in Israel.

 

The rubber band pistol was banned from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

In a Conn I95 service area I noticed all of the upfront parking spaces carried signs, “For Low emission Cars”. I hate that. I thought we lived in a classless society. And, how about Brown Versus Board of Education that wiped out the idea of separate but equal, although in this case it is separate but inferior. I think it is unconstitutional. The environmentalists have lost their minds and the government is their safe haven.

 

The Question:

Put on your thinking caps: What was the goal of the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?

 

The Headlines:

--Stock Markets On Better Footing As Fed Removes Mystery From Interest Rate Target Date; Market up 153 At Mid Morning..

--Iran Negotiations Hit Possible Irreconcilable Snag Over Timeline For Removal Of Sanctions; Democrats Join Repubs As 360 In Congress Remind Obama/White House Of Congress Authority; New law About Sanctions For Iran Must Be Debated In And Written By Congress First.

--Two Shiite Mosques In Yemen Bombed; 46 Dead.

--Nigeria Army beating Down Boco.

--Federal Judge Andrew Hanen Says He Was Duped By DoJ’s Kathleen Hartnet On Immigration Reprieves Program; Asks Hartnet: “Can I Trust the President?”.

--Latest Eclipse A real Thriller.

--Clinton’s Stopped Publishing Foundation Donor List In  2010.

--Union Leader Who Worked One day As Teacher Suing For $30K/Year Pension.

 

President Obama wants a law the forces every citizen to vote. In a free society an abstention from voting is often a protest against the viability of the candidates. Forcing people, especially the many people who don’t what they are voting for, to vote for bad candidates is the way of dictatorships, and the first step mediocrity.

 

In case you are trying to keep score in the Middle East, despite what the we hear form diplomats and world leaders, it’s still all about Sunnis versus Shia or Shiites where ISIS is concerned; the ISIS are Sunnis. That’s the whole story and it is really that simple. They have been fighting for over 12 hundred years and UN pronouncements are entirely meaningless.

 

In a debate about the war against capitalism, the woman on the pro-Big Gov side cited among other things  that the government provides the infrastructure, roads and ports and waterways. There isn’t thinking capitalist who doesn’t agree with that because – That’s why we pay taxes, and allow the Government of the USA to exist! Capitalism drives the economy and when the government intrudes in the business side, capitalism is diluted and doesn’t work as it should. If the Gov, for instance, hadn’t bailed out Wall Street companies, we would only have lost some entities that had lost their right to exist in a true capitalist society because of the mess they had created for themselves, which is exactly how true Capitalism behaves. Capitalism used to be like the forces of nature than cleanse the forests and seas.

 

I see where the FAA has approved testing of Amazon drones. It isn’t hard for me to believe that local and state governments will authorize cutting of trees so amazons drones can land on everybody’s street. And, towns and states will require a landing fee.

 

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan Island, but it was an optical Aleutian.

 

I am noticing that more and more of those so called-get-away places are getting more and more crowded. I always thought the idea of a vacation was to get away from the hubbub and bumper to Bumper commuting traffic. There used to be many small pieces of perfection, now intruded upon by fast food signs, far many more shopping malls than necessary and cluttered roads. I’m not just talking about well known southern Florida snowbird Mecca’s, I’m talking up and down the coasts of the USA. Developers got to develop and builders got to build, and I think it is a crying shame.  

 

In an argument around here about the raising of the minimum wage for those restaurant workers who are highly paid by tips, one very youngish (Everybody looks very youngish to me) bartender woman says “we should not be paid by the consumers.” Say what? All people in Biz are paid by consumers! If the restaurants are forced to raise the min they pay these tip dependent workers, they will necessarily raise the cost of menu items. Typically, less people will come as menu items increase, and tips will decline. But the new socialist mentality just doesn’t get the free enterprise idea at all.

 

Reading Between the Lines Movie reviews:

--Insurgent, part of the young Divergent series is a muddled mess according to one, bad according to another and better than expected for yet one more. Beatrice battles her inner demons and fights against a powerful alliance which threatens to tear her society apart. Shailene Woodley is more interesting than the character she plays and it’s easy to lose interest.

--Sean Penn get’s off his soap box long enough to play an assassin who deftly kills the Minister of Mines In The Congo. This forces him into hiding, but years later he returns only to find himself the target of a hit team. It’s slow moving, and the a little over the top, losing the reality for what could have been a pretty good thriller.

--In Do You believe? A pastor is shaken by the faith of a street preacher. It reminds him that true belief always requires action. He embarks upon a journey that touches all and one that only could be orchestrated by God.

 

The Answer:

“Transcend dental medication.” Are you having fun yet?

 

Thanks for the Puns above from a good reader. Over the 3,305 issues of this morning breakfast treat I have written many great puns, and many not so hot, so I am wary of repeating myself. This reader’s list had many of the all-time super classics like, “No matter how hard you push the envelope, it will still be stationary”. Or one of my all time rib ticklers, “Time flies like and arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.” And, “Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”

 

Have a happy and punny weekend, E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y!