Happy days are here again.

 

Today's Tids Issue 4,746

Finding Humor:

 

Remember back in the days when party conventions were actually fun, exciting. Yes, meaningful. I’m talking back when they didn’t have predetermined winners. When there was intrigue on the floor. Where TV viewers could get score cards at the local drugstore and people had parties for fun and not lambasting each other. In those days of Truman/Dewey, Ike/Adlai and JFK/Tricky Dick. When those massive raucous sessions had more meaning than today’s programmed promotions and speeches. When Conventions served a purpose in the electoral process. Not like today’s sleeping pills whe we are reaching a new nadir – prerecorded speeches with none of extravaganza on the tube – no banners and an signs and old drunks lying on the convention center floor.

 

Did you hear about the photographer who was thrown out of the political convention? He was a lose Canon.

 

Before I go on. I have to say a sincere thanks to all the readers who actually laugh at my jokes. I‘d like to build a brand new world upon a few simple chuckles. What ever happened to laughing at yourself?

 

Here’s some stats that are very relevant to today which may prove we aren’t on the same planet any more. Air travel for July in Europe is down 94%. People are living in fear, but 99.96% of Americans have not died from Covid. As Of July there have been 339 “Public Mass Shootings” in the US (4 or more people killed).  People who regularly attend church are down form 54% to 45%. The Dow has rebounded up about 30%; The S&P 54%, while 16.3 million potential consumers are on the sideline The point: Thinking that we can wake up and it will used to be is just a waste of energy. That wishing will not make it so make it so. But adjusting to change, and guiding it along to match eth positive, quality attributes of days gone by is energy well spent.

 

Do you know why we never see elephants hiding up In a tree? Because, they are really good at it.

 

The Question:

How do Americans rate the top ten USA National Parks?

 

The Headlines:

--S&P Hits Intraday High; Ahead Of Opening Today, Walmart And Home Depot Reported Results Topping Estimates;

--Trump Posthumously Pardons Susan B. Anthony.

--Big Three Dem Speakers Last Night Open Virtual Convention Hammering Trump; Dems Exhibit Big Tent Strategy

--Kim Jong Un Orders All Pet Dogs In NK Capital Pyongyang To Be Confiscated.

--Heat Wave Has Cal facing Massive Rolling Blackouts.

--Sunil Kurnar Nadeshwar, Captain Of Ill Fated Oil Tanker MV Wakashio, Arrested; 1000 Tinnes Of 4000 Tonne Load Already Leaked.

 

After all these days of living in an incongruous world I think I‘ll write a new Broadway show. Wokeness: The Musical Comedy.  Some of the top songs would be, “You don’t know who you are, but I’ll tell you”, and “Where would I be without discrimination.” It’s actually about the last woke person on hearth traveling around looking for someone to call a racist. In the great finale soliloquy, he sings sadly that he has learned that he is actually the only one who ever was one. It is sad, but rife with cutting humor, and in the end a man who discovered reality. If I only knew how to play the piano.

 

I expect that women’s groups won’t accept the pardon for Susan B. Anthony because Trump did it. That’s just ow silly this world has become. Trump did it for the election, but pols doing stuff for votes often drives decisions that are often good for the opposition..

 

SBA is being pardoned for the crime of voting as a woman before it was legal.  I’m sure most supporters didn’t think she was guilty of anything.

 

What is red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

 

Virginia Dare was born in 1587 in Virginia’s Roanoke Colony as the first child bornin America of English Parents. You have to wonder if that started this whole white privilege thing.

 

Lot’s of people have been trying to figure out the reason for the disappearance of the Roanoke Colony. I’m thinking there is a good chance that it was swiped out during a hurricane. It’s something to think about.

 

When I first saw the TV schedule for the Dem national Convention, I mistakenly thought it was going to preempt the Price is Right. How silly of me. The Dems don’t think government programs have a price.

 

Internet addiction has done it again. Apparently one theory about the cause of the breakup of the Oil Tanker the Indian ocean was because the captain was traveling close to shore to pick up WiFI, Yikes.

 

I have an EpiPen. My fiend gave it to me when he was dying; it seemed important to him that I have it.

 

While Amazon is the mighty Online merchant, they are concerned that Target and Walmart have 5,000 pickup locations between them Watch Amazon pick up stores from bankrupt retailers like Sears and Penny.

 

The Answer:

Well the old Faithful Geyser is probably one reason why Yellowstone is rated #1. Next is Yosemite (It took me decades to figure out that was indeed yasemity! I shouldn’t admit to things like that.) Then we have Glacier, Zion, Grand Canyon, Grand Teton, Bryce Canyon, Arches, Rocky Mountain and Mount Rainier National Parks. The only ranked parks east of the Mississippi that made the list are #12 Acadia In Maine, #21 Great Smoky Mountain in Tenn, #28 Everglades FL, #29 Isle Royal Mich, #38 Monmouth Cave Kty,

Did you hear about the guy who was killed while ice fishing? He was hit by a Zamboni.

See you all tomorrow,