Didja hear about...

Today's Tids Issue #5,354 

Laughter is better: 

 

 

I’m reading a book about a Detective who solves crime by pure chance. Sheerluck Holmes. Oh nooooo... The Tids Punster Laureate is damning the Tids to the darkest corners of hell. There are groans anther are moans but the most daring Punsters have got to have stones. 

 

I’ll tell you something, I used to laugh like hell at Laverne and Shirley with Lenny and Squiggyman. And Cindy Willaims was always just about perfect in her roll. She died yesterday at 75. And I’ll tell you something, I had a smile on my face as a tribute to what she always gave me. L&S were a little like the female odd Couple as seen in this Shirley Line: “I treat my body like a temple, Laverne. You choose to treat yours like an amusement park.” Cindy let it all out in her role as Shirley but privately, this line captures who she was, “Growing up in the country you are left to the wilds of your imagination.” Cindy was a private person. But she let us all enjoy her inner spirit. You never forget anybody who made you laugh. 

 

Be hopeful, Department: 

The Tech stocks, which soared on the prospects of growth, relied on the low interest rates to fund the rapid expansion of their operations. That is one reason why we are seeing layoffs there. Part of their wild expansion was hiring more people than the company needed and could support through operations. So, basically the tech companies are still pretty solid with lots of promise, and any Fed inclination to lowering rates will spark a little rally.  

 

The Question: 

How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Bonus: Why do you think I decided not to make myself a belt out of Watches? Extra Bonus: What is the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? Super Bonus: What was it like when the past, the present and the future walked into a bar? 

 

The Headlines: 

--Markets Open Higher; GM, Exxon and McDonalds' Profits Come in Strong 

--NHL Super Star Bobby Hull, Ineh GOAT Category, Died Yesterday 84. 

--Pakistan Mosque Bombing Dearth Toll Rises to 100. 

--Trump Money Raising Effort Slow Since Announcing. 

--Super Cold and Ice Storm Rips Through South 

--GOP Prevaricator Santos Says He is stepping Down from Committee Assignments 

 

I am always laughing now at the phrase, “Social Media Reaction...”. It almost always is about the creation of a national crisis out of relatively unimportant events. It does serve to give the web sites and news media vying for your attention sensationalized headlines to lure you in.  

 

I’m a happy kind of a guy. Why is the current state of the world and culture making me irritable, I hate being irritable. It is a waste of time. Hey, I'm being irritable about hating to be irritable. Life is a vicious circle. Rats! 

 

Clams used to be an affordable menu item. Last week I was at a restaurant where the price of a whole belly clam dinner was $38! And it was not a high-priced restaurant. The owner of a local clam shack in Narragansett said that at the beginning of last summer she paid $100-$125 per bushel and by mid-summer it had shot to the moon at $300/Bushel … if she could get them.  

 

Interestingly both Penny Marshal and Cindy Willaims died when they were a young 75.  

 

The number’s 3 and 5 got married. It was an odd couple.  

 

A lot of comedians are complaining that audiences have lost thier sense of humor. That’s tough on the comic biz.  

 

Hmmmm! George Santos says he is stepping down from committee assignments. Does anybody actually believe him? 

 

I hate myself for bringing up the 2024 campaign already. I’m almost already tired of it. Wait until two Augusts from now. 

 

The Answer: 

How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Of course, it8is a buccaneer! Bonus: Why do you think I decided not to make myself a belt out of Watches? I thought it would be a waste of time. Extra Bonus: What is the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter. Super Bonus: What was it like when the past, the present and the future walked into a bar? It was tense. 

 

So, you thought after the opening the Tids was going to get better. You probably think when you buy a Powerball ticket you have a good chance of winning the lottery too! 

 

Have a great day everybody! Iti has been a delight being with you today.