Today's Tids Issue 3.391
Opening Stuff:
Let’s
see, Carly Fiorina is both a woman and a business
executive, which seems to mean that she possesses the characteristics of the
two candidates who are getting voters excited – Hill and the Trumpeteer. She
looks more presidential than Trump and is more credible that the Hill. I don’t
know about you but I’m voting for Carley with Ben Carson or Scott Walker for
VP. Or maybe, Marco Rubio.
Or,
how about Ben Carson for President and Kelley Aiotte for
VP. Yeah, that’s it. That’s how I’m going. There are just so many great options
and we have so far to go. The Repubs just don’t know the riches they have.
This
is the best season of the year. You know that
season, when corn stalks are high and ears of that succulent vegetable are
sweet and tender. For a little over a month, I’m a vegetarian, as long as there
is some good meat or fish to go with that luxuries corn. “I’m in heaven, I’m in
heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak, and I seem to find the
happiness I seek, when buttery corn is running down my cheek…”
Will
we get to that point when the weight of Hillary’s misdeeds
will be to much even for the national media? That is the big question.
Of
course, the big news since yesterday is the Brady affair.
He pretty much proved when he tore apart Indy and beat a solid Seattle team
using League inflated footballs that the ball does not make a difference with
this great player and leader. But then, somewhere along the way, he decided to
become Nixon. And now he looks real bad with weak excuses. Personally I can
agree with not turning over a phone in this new world of sensationalized
celebrity leaks, but his excuse was basically stupid. As one woman, lawyer wag Kimberly Gilfoyle, said, “If I was
him I would have said something like – There I was coming home from the stadium
and when I walked upstairs I saw my beautiful wife naked in the tub. I got so
excited that I jumped in forgetting that it would destroy my phone.” How could
Goodell argue with that?
The
Question:
Who are considered the worst of TV parents in
shows over the years? Hint: Cosby was a good parent on TV)
The
Headlines:
--Brady Blasts NFL In Rebuttal Speech; Says He And
All Pats Personnel Are Completely Innocent; Adds That He And Lawyers Exhausted
Every Avenue To Give Investigators What Was Available; Bob Kraft: “I Was Wrong
To Put My Faith In the NFL.”
--Gold Prices Expected To Continue Downward Spiral;
Market Opens Strong.
--Conservative Congressman Mark Meadows Files
Motion To Oust Boehner.
--Overdose Deaths In America An Epidemic; More
People Die from OD’s Each Year Than Car Crashes; Media Would Care More If It
Were Dolphins Washed Up Upon the Shore.
--NYC Mayor Diblasio Says Poor Deserve Free WiFi;
City To Spend Millions; Obama Orders Pell Grants For Prisoners.
--Top Afghan Taliban Head Mullah Omar Said To Have
Died; reclusive Leader Shielded al-Qaida And Hid Bin Laden.
--Turkey Launches Heaviest Air Stirkes Against Kurds.
--Young And Educated Greeks Running For Borders
As Crisis Deepens.
If
the voter blocs used their own eyes and ears and resisted
seeing candidates through the jaundiced words of the media or the ridiculing
barbs of comedians, then I believe they’d see some very sound sides of many entangled
in the Republican pile. For instance, elitist wags love to pile on Perry, but
this very successful Texas governor makes a lot of sense to me, especially when
he talks about the importance of competition between states as vital to an
energetic economy. The states that are dying are those dependent on representatives
return tax dollars to sates He also points out the diversity fo these states
and that this insane Common core idea where some bureaucrat buried in the bowels
of Washington creates curriculums. Common Core – worst thing ever. I could vote
for Perry.
Actually,
I’m developing a new formula to aid voters. It’s called the M/CA Index, or Media/Comedian
Attack Index. I am accumulating attack data from the activities of these two
largest purveyors of misinformation. What we will find is that the candidates under
attack the most are the best candidates of all. It’s not complicated – if the
foe is scared of a person they will tear
them down with
The
Tids Business department is also getting into the act with
their own new forecasting index. Based on many months of research each year for
10 years it appears there is a correlation between the increase of crowding on golf
courses and the imminent decline of the stock markets. So, while the market
came through well during the often ominous July reporting season, the green,
green fairways of of golfdom are bustling with way too many people. It is time
to sell.
I
was walking by the door of The Tids Entertainment editors
office and noticed him in there working out on various back breaking machines. Red
faced and sweaty, he turned when I entered and said he is getting ready for the
Annual Tids series of reports on America’s Got Talent, one of the more exciting
Tids features for readers. They are paring down right now for Radio City, and
it won’t be long till the best of the acts remain. Two of the more enjoyable
that have passed through already are ventriloquist puppeteers Irv and Paul Zirdin.
And the show seems better pverall, probably because they have somewhat muted
the judges and Nick the host. Stay tuned, it will be exciting.
I
met an Independent who says he is definitely not a Democrat
and will vote for any candidate…who isn’t a Republican. Got it?
The
Parking Lot: Chapter 7 continues…
Since the
discovery that launched extreme paranoia in this generally happy-go-lucky young
woman, Nancy had become very cautious, maybe too cautious. Nancy turned the
simple task of returning home into a chore. But, she knew the stakes were high,
and a little extra time being careful would mean a lot of extra time on earth.
About fifty
yards down her quarter mile driveway, she turned into a what looked like a
large shrub. She stopped, left the engine running and opened the door and stepped
forward towards the big green bush. She yanked on a concealed handle, pulled,
and the bush split apart and moved aside revealing a small road into a cave
like space formed by large rhododendrons. She quickly drove the car into the
safe space, came out, closed th bushes and then used branches to hide the tire
tracks.
On the other
side of the rhodies there was a narrow path cutting through dense foliage. There
was a bike leaning against a tree. She decided that today she might be better
off walking. Her instincts for survival were maturing rapidly. Within minutes
she arrived at a spot where she could see her home, but would be well hidden
form any observes in the area. She stood quietly. It seemed like five minutes,
but was only a moment when a large rather fat man came from behind her house.
She moved back into the bushes and held her breath.
The
Answer:
#11 is Red Foreman on That 70’s Show. The rest
down to #1 are Hank Hill, Lois on Malcolm in the Middle, Frank and Mary Barone –
Raymond, Rochelle – Everybody hates Chris, Evelyn Harper – 2 ½ Men, Don and
Betty Draper – Mad Men, Peter $ Lois Griffen – Family Guy, Homer Simpson, Al
and Peggy Bundy married with… and # 1 Jon and Kate Gosselin.
Anchors
Aweigh, Department:
We sailed together and we fought the wars, and now we lay down with each other
for eternity (This is moving from a reader from a good reader): http://www.youtube.com/embed/MgE2KiPd3xg?feature=player_detailpage
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