Today's Tids Issue
3,833
For Foolery:
Well,
I’ll be damned, Donald J Trump has done it again. He
has said over again that he will unify America, and maybe today we will learn
how he expects to do just that. Last night, sources say, he was seen dining
with Chuck Schumer in the small office off the Oval, also known as the
“Lewinski Lounge”. People with knowledge say the two were then joined for
dessert by Nancy Pelosi and the ranking member of the Russia investigation
committee, Adam Schiff It is now expected that later today the President of the
United States will sit before cameras in the Oval Office and announce that he
has decided to become a Democrat. He will add that he could never get along
with super conservative elements of the government, and that ever since earlier
this week when he looked into the eyes of West Virginia miners with their
tough, raw bodies, “I knew I was truly the soul of the working people of
America.” Stay tuned.
As
you all know tomorrow is April Fools Day, a day when the Tids would
typically have you guessing on what is true or entirely made up. Since we don’t
publish tomorrow, today’s issue will hopefully keep you guessing. You have to
wonder how the News Media will treat Trump now that he is a Democrat. Will they
suddenly discover the innate goodness in his heart?
You
have to love that Mayor of Baltimore who told the truth to
her constituents, but got nailed for it. She vetoed a bill calling for a 15
cent min wage. She said Baltimore would become a “Doughnut Hole”, with the jobs
moving into ring surrounding the city as employers moved there to adhere to the
state authorized min wage of 10.1 cents. History has always proven time the
myth of socialist ideology cannot meet the test of realty. Kudos to liberal
Democrat Mayor Catherine Pugh.
Each
new Galaxy 8 comes with a miniature pop-out fire
extinguisher. The big Samsung show went over very well, as happy Android lovers
gaily danced their way through corridors beyond the hall.
The
Question:
Here’s a couple of curious questions for you: 1. Why
are buttons for men’s clothes on the right, and on the left for women’s
clothes. 2. Why are people who feel great said to be on “Cloud Nine?
The
Headlines:
--Markets Lower As Investors Lock In Strong Quarter
Gains; Consumer Spending Weaker Than Expected.
--Trump Backs Flynn’s Call For Immunity To Tell
Whole Story; Or, Is That Hole Story?; Trump Calls It A Witch Hunt – Says He
Will Sic Toto On Evil Dem-ons.
--Elon Musk Says He Can Create Fully Operational
Human Workers Out Of Kale; “They would be Healthy,” He Says.
--Putin Admits He Went After Hillary Because She
Broke Off Their Affair That Blossomed During Her Reign in State Department; “I
Miss Her Doodling Bill Slurs On My Bare Chest,” He Said.
--Space-Ex Makes History With Successful Launching of
“Used” Rocket.
--Angelina Joli Says Brad Will Return If She Depuffs
Her Lips.
--NCAA Comes Down Hard On North Carolina In Hours Before
Final Four; Five Key Players Suspended Due To Inflated Grades Scheme;
Carolinians Truly Blue.
There
is no truth to the rumor that DJT is requesting a
transfer of funding from the Mexican Wall to a similar effort in Alaska. It is his
new strategy, designed to keep out illegal Russians with large suitcases of
bribe money.; Paul Manafort will be named Project Manager and granted leases
for convenience stores at border crossings. Scientists say it can’t be built
until global warning sufficiently lowers frost line in 2037. Sarah Palin blasts
President – I won that job fair and square in a skeet shooting contest.
The
Final Four begins tomorrow for the men. My emotional and
curious favorite is Gonzaga. But North Carolina will be quite tough, if they
feel like playing for the entire game. South Carolina is the biggest surprise
and may have the biggest heart, often what’s needed most in this championship
battles. Oregon is no slouch in the heart department, and I should be rooting
for the Ducks as our RI team at them all the way until the final seconds. But
Oregon should lose to NC and SC’s run will end with Gonzaga, a team of destiny
this year. On Monday will talk about the finale. – On Sunday, the Women take to
the court. Last year UConn beat Ole’ Miss by 60 points. Do you think the Rebs
will be up a bit for the Nutmeggers? UConn is minus the stars from last year’s
romp, but seem to be good enough to win again. South Carolina has the women’s
team in it too, the first-time same college men and women have been in it together
since UConn did it a few years ago. SC’s foe Stanford is on the rise, but both
are well coached. Going to be a great one. I’m picking surprise Stanford.
I
see where on the day following a report about exuberance over
consumer confidence reaching new highs, there comes a report that consumer
spending is weaker. Does that mean their confidence is higher because they are
saving more money?
Nancy
Lala-Pelosi keeps saying the “The Wall” is immoral. Is it
immoral to help South Americans avoid breaking laws and the resultant trauma of
living with guilt for life by removing temptation for an easy unlawful crossing?
As usual, Lala has it wrong.
Seriously,
I am troubled by Trump (Yes troubled again) shunting
aside the conservative block of Repubs. The last attempt at health renewal
looked like a big nothing to me. The TP based block was about really changing the
concept of health care. Now it may never be accomplished mainly because once
you give out something for free, people assume it is another entitlement. “Hey
buddy, the first amendment say you owe me freedom of health” And the beat goes
on, but now with the loss of creative opposition. The Prez will offer Dems to
contribute to moderate Repubs giving us more of the same.
I
hear that the AMA is about to announce a new tiered medical
treatment policy designed to lower costs. Real doctors with real degrees will
only treat people with serous diseases and complex body injuries. All other
illnesses will be analyzed by a computer and treated by those with degrees in
bandage application and pill dispensing.
It is expected that some people caught in the middle between trivial and
serious will die.
Do
you think that the Founders ever thought that The Freedom of
Speech amendment would ever cause so much chaos. I guess they thought
intelligence went along naturally with freedom of speech.
They
certainly never considered that the amendment would result in
vocal meanderings like the Tids and Tweets.
Actually,
I am very excited about Monday and the opening of baseball season.
Unfortunately, we may have snow or iced over ballfields. The inane sports
experts on the radio and TV talk about the demise of baseball even after last
year’s record season for attendance, TV viewing and profitable income.
Basically, they just like to talk and create fake controversies. I am as
excited as I ever was. There is nothing better than the crack of the bat and
the roar of the crowd, and the game on the radio in the background while you
work in the garden. That is a perfect day.
Reading
Between the lines Movie Reviews:
--There seems to be a lot of Publicity for Ghost in
the Shell, and remake of an old Japanese animated adventure. Scarlett Johansen
is somewhat robotic in this film about a woman who after a plane crash is cyber
enhanced into a perfect soldier devoted to stopping the worst world criminals,
including ISIS. As super criminals develop technology to hack into human’s
minds, she is ready to combat them. But then she learns of the big lie, and
runs to discover her past. Fair, they say.
--Boss Baby with the voices of Baldwin as baby,
Kimmel s Dad and Kudrow as Mom is about how anew born baby rules the household.
Could have been funny, but too many jokes area about dirty diapers and poop.
--Zookeepers Wife tells a familiar Holocaust story of
a working mother and wife who becomes a hero to Hundreds of Jews in Poland.
Taken by surprise with the invasion by Germany and immediately forced to reveal
Jews, close friends working in the zoo, she quickly works to establish and underground
resistance to save many more. God but not great.
The
Answer
Ok, the first
question: Buttons were very expensive and only used by ten rich. Since most people
are right handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the
left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons
on the maids right. In other words, leftie women who now do it them self, could
feel discriminated against, actually button up easier. Sometimes discrimination
has its advantages. 2. Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes
they attain. When on “Cloud Nine”, you are floating well above he cares of the
world. BTW, “Love” in tennis comes from the mispronunciation by Americans for
the French word for Egg, L’oeuf – which looks like a zero.
For
a kinder and gentler America, I hope that tomorrow
you are able to abide fools with respect. Even an asshole has its day.
Happy
tricks, E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y
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