May Bouquet Essay.

 

Today's Tids Issue 5,159 

My way today: 

 

 

Ah, the first week of May 

One, then another lazy day. 

I’m lofty, dreaming away 

Moving, like tulips sway. 

Feelin’ bright neath skies of grey 

No burdens that weigh, 

No open nerves to fray. 

Just gong my own way 

Avoiding a deadly bad cliché 

Getting Tids to send your way.  

Aren’t you glad you don't pay? 

Well, that's it, about all have to say. 

Oh, hit that dimpled ball and pray, 

They all go down mid fairway. 

 

For lunch I’m considering a salty snack buffet.  

 

Dave Chapelle was attacked on stage last night by some loon. With all the nukes. With all the environmental disaster claims. With all the cyber assaults. There is nothing more dangerous in the world than a human being with arms and legs and sometimes a brain. As walt Kelly said...(You know the answer.) 

 

They’re having a sale at the coffin store, but I figured that was the last thing I‘ll ever need. 

 

The Question: 

See if you can come up with the punny finishing line to these five Opening Lines: 

1. Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? 

2. I’m glad I know sign language. 

3. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me... 

4. Just burned 2,000 calories. 

5. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. 

 

The Headlines: 

--Stocks Look To Open Higher: Private Payrolls Increase By 247K In April; Fed Expected To Raise Rates By Half Point.  

--Dem leaders Saying Demise Of RvW Would be Major National Disaster; Repubs Cincerned About SC Leak. 

--Trump Endorsed Candidate Wins In Ohio; AOC Backed Congressional Candidate Loses In Ohio. 

 

If you ask tis neophyte, it appears that the plummeting stock market has Already priced in the Fed rate increase.  

 

Headline yesterday: Wild turkeys menacing Washington DC. Hmmmmmmm! 

 

It looks like the Dems have jumped on the SC leak thing and see it as an opportunity to keep in power after November by going after the left leaning women’s vote. Except left leaning women prefer to be called persons. And not identify as woman. 

 

Today is Rhode Island Independence Day. We disavowed our Pledge of loyalty King George III in 1776 two months before the 13 broke away with the Declaration of Independence. RI was known by colonists of the day as “Rogue Island”.  

 

For all of those people who wore a mask while alone in a car, there is now available a new outdoor seatbelt.  

 

I live in a nice small city right in downtown, And I walk around here a lot. But nowadays in the back of my mind I actually do worry a little that I may run into one of those loonies who indiscriminately attack a passers-bye. I know longtime residents in town who have changed their walking routes. I'm voting for law and order.  

 

I’m always getting run over by the same bike, same day every month, same place, month after month... It's a vicious cycle. 

 

The Answer: 

1. Did you hear about the man who jumped off a bridge in France? He was in Seine. 

2. I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy. 

3. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me... it means a lot. 

4. Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. 

5. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable. 

 

Hope nothing goes astray 

That you all have a nice day. 

OMG, that’s a bad cliché. 

I’d better go away’ 

Without further delay! 

 

Thanks for not throwing rotten tomatoes, E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y!