Step beyond yourself.

Today's Tids Issue 2,238
Opening Stuff:

If you live in a fantasy world like I do, then every day is just about perfect.

Somebody should think of an easier way to spell Burrillville. Like maybe Brrrrrvill!

Sarah had better keep an eye on the Palin daughters FaceBook activity or her next reality show will be "Dysfunctional Family" hosted by Jerry Springer and the Octomom. And, probably a ratings winner.

The Question:
Friday is movie day in Tidsland, so here is a movie Q: Name the Ten Top "Revenge" Movies. Bonus Q: Alan Young is 91 today. Who was his well known best friend?

The Headlines:

--Missing Members Of Ohio Family Found Murdered Mt. Vernon Near Columbus; Mother, Son And Family Friend Found Stuffed In Garbage Bags Hidden In Hollow Tree.
--Satellite Photos Suggest Nuke Activity In North Korea.
--Jobless Benefits For 2 Million Set To Expire During Holidays; GOP May Use Issue As Trd-ade-Off For Extending Bush tax Cuts.
--China Move To Combat Inflation Has Market Futures Lower.
--Obama, Senate At Odds Over Smart2; 0-Man Says It Is Imperative; GOP Says It Can Be Better.
--Rangle To Be Censured.
--Obama Admin "Auto Czar", Steven Rattner, Agrees To Pay $6.2 Million To Settle Civil Suit In Influence Peddling Charges Scandal.
--Scientists Discover Previously Unknown And Active Seismic Fault In rocky Mountains; Could Produce Serious Earthquakes In Future.

Back to More Stuff:
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

There is all this Government assurance about the dire need for "Pat Downs" and X-rays at airport, but why are they so silent on E-Verify?

And by the way, profiling is till one of the more efficient means of sorting possible bad guys.

We have often seen on programs like the American Idol and America's Got Talent that the best talent does not always win. This is mainly due to the power of the most unified voting blocks i.e. -- Teen girls for cute guy singers. The Bristol Palin fiasco on "Dancin' " proves this in spades.

Did you hear about the guy who thought he qualified for the funeral parlor job because he came from a long line of deceased people?

Reading Between the Lines Movie Reviews:
--Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be a box office smash. Harry, Ron and Hermione set out on their own on a perilous mission to destroy the secret of Voldemort's immortality and destruction -- The Horcruxes. They must rely solely on each other as they race to their destiny before Voldemart's Death Eaters find them. And the n it is the ultimate battle between harry Voldemort. worth the lines.
--However my favorite this week is The next Three days, an exciting flick that lives up to the description "Thriller". The ordered life of college professor John Brennan (Russell Crowe) lurches into the path of an out of control freight train when loving wife Lara (Elizabeth Banks) is sent to prison for life after being convicted of a gruesome murder. She says she is innocent. After exhausting appeals, John enters a new and very unfamiliar world as he springs his suicidal wife from jail and finds the world against him. It never slows.

An executive shakeup at a corporation is called a Title wave.

Somebody once pointed out that Nancy Pelosi had great clothes. And I was immediately reminded of the Empty Suit syndrome. But we should worry about the ex leader with the pasted on facial expressions, becasue she has lots of unwavering support from a very powerful and well organized left with deep pockets. After death and taxes there two other things that are certain in life -- The Left and Islamic Jihadists never give up.

The Answer: 
I'm going to give you two lists on this one as there are many opinions. But there is some common agreement as you will see.. List One: Commando, Gladiator, Friday the 13th, Ben Hur, Straw Dogs, Kill Bill 1&2, Once Upon a Time In the West, Virgin Spring, Godfather and the classic Death Wish. List Two: Straw Dogs, Man on Fire, Virgin Spring, Get Carter, Mad Max, Carrie, Death Wish, Old Boy, Kill Bill and Once Upon a Time in the West. Of course you knew that Alan Young's best friend was "Mr. Ed". Who of course is just a horse.

The Week-End:
Fear to achieve has deprived the world of great talents over the years. One way to overcome fears is to insert yourself into foreign arenas and listen. You'll be amazed at how what you hear will inspire you to break away from a self imposed shackle.

Or, you could just resort to punning. So remember, no matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary.

The murder of the Ohio family really bothers me. I think I'll say a little prayer.

Word Play is Punderful.

Today's Tids Issue 2,199
Opening Stuff:

Tis sad to know that some people have never seen the magnificence of dawn.

Many a day I feel like Charlie Brown. Dreaming of things that will never be. Trusting without hesitation. And thinking that a simplified life is a wonderful thing. Fortunately I know no Lucy’s.

Business is having it tough in this uncertain economy. But John Deere has always used sound business policies to keep a steady course even in the roughest times. In fact to keep consumers happy they will stand behind every product…except one. The manure spreader!

The Question:
What is paronomasia? There three ways to practice the art of Paronomasia. What are they?

The Headlines:
--Poll Numbers: 0-Man Dips To Lowest Numbers On Handling Economy At 41% Down From 44% Last Month; 81% Say Economy Poor Up From 72%; But, 75% Agree Unrealistic To Turn Around In 18 Months.
--11/12 Jurors Ready To Convict Blago Of Political Corruption Crime Spree; Mistrial Declared On All Major Counts; Convicted On One Of 24 Counts.
--Five Most Stressful Cities: Las Vegas (Duh), LA, Houston, Tampa, Riverside Cal.
--Barney Frank Wants Fannie And Freddie Abolished.
--Seattle’s Traffic Court “Judge Judy” Suspended Because Of Excessive Insults.
--Found So-Called Terrorist Interrogation Tapes Much Ado About Nothing.
--Despite Growing Concerns About Health Of Economy Markets Edging Up To Achieve Technical Levels.

Back to More Stuff:
An interesting effect of the economy on Dem and Obama popularity and chances for re-election is that of the huge block of Obama student supporters. The wide eyed and idealistic of college days are now in the real world and feel a new, different kind of sense of urgency. He’s going to have to find a he number of illegal aliens to make up for the lost of students.

The Dems and 0 may also have added to their woes with the support of the mosque thing. Most Americans who oppose it (63% of New Yorkers in a new poll today) aren’t disputing that they may have a right under the constitution. They are concerned an=bout the sensitivity of a religion that would mock sacred ground. And to many it looks like Cuomo, Obama and Bloomberg just don’t get it. You saw how fast Harry Reid ran away from it.

Has anyone every coined a better phrase to describe today’s 24 hour news assaults than Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing”?

An abundance of Government money will generally tend to incubate incurablefraud.

One of the basic rules of clear writing is avoiding the overuse of adverbs. One well chosen verb will always describe the action better. And while we are on the rules of grammar, remember that a double negative is a no-no.

The Tids has been a supporter of a better understanding of puns. This simple yet controversial form of word play and humor has been discussed for centuries. Oscar Levant said: “A pun is the lowest form of humor…when you don’t think of it first.” Ambrose Bierce said: “A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire.” But Poe probably got it right: “Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.”

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 89. –“Listen, Kent, I work for you so you can do whatever you want to do. But, I have to tell you that your boss is on the warpath and it is worrying me.”
Over the year or so since we hired the security firm, I listened patiently to the ego rants of Cotter, but now he was fast becoming my most important ally. And a good guy to have on my side. “I’ll try to get Izzy under control again. But, just do what I say and it will work out just fine.” I had called him to ask that he tell the guard out front that he was closing down the operation and that I was taking Laura. He agreed immediately and quickly saw my reasoning of not telling Isabelle. He was sleazy but he knew how to ally himself. And he taking care of himself was good for me. “Thanks Jason.”
I was about to press the off button when I heard him again, “Kent, I have to warn you about your friend Durham. She is your friend?” I nodded at he phone. He continued. “Isabelle is making noise about permanently getting rid of Sarah Durham. I don’t like it.”
I looked at the phone. Like it was my enemy. “I’ll take care of it. Thanks.” Then I spoke again. Keep me posted about anything to do with Mag…Sarah. Are you still watching her?”
“She spotted us, so my guy turned in the old car and rented a Volvo which seems to fit in better with the neighborhood.”
I hung up. I went into the room where Laura was still sitting staring angrily at the wall. Her head turned. Her eyes seemed blank. “Let’s go.” Her face transformed with a smile that I would never associate with Laura..

Newt Gingrich is becoming a waffler just like all of the rest of them.

It must be something that happens to politicians. The power? Probably. In business it’s called the Peter Principle. In politics it’s the petering out of principles. Did you know that scientists have discovered a parasite that resides in brains of animals and prehistoric remains. And they believe it may still be at work in the brains of humans. Hell, all you have to do is look at Washington DC. You don't need another taxpayer supported grant for that.

The Picasso Exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art In NYC has drawn 700,000 people since the April opening. The lowest attendance baseball team, Cleveland has had just over a million for the same time period. I wonder if you can get a hot dog and a beer at the museum?

It’s not at all surprising to learn that there is a rise in hearing loss among teens. New info has one in twenty with a loss of hearing at some level. Maybe they measured the kids while they had an iPod stuck in their ears.

The Answer:
Paronomasia is the act or practice of “Punning”. There are three kinds of puns: 1. Homographic (Antanaclasis) – Multiple meaning from a single spelling –Eat a pickle; In a pickle. 2. Homophonic (Polyptoton) –Sound alike words with different spelling – Idle and idol. 3. Double Sound – Substituting sounds as in “Knock-Knock” jokes -- “Orange who; Orange you going to open the door. And then there are the different classes of Puns. “Daffynicians – Pasteurize: Too far to see.; “Tom Swifties” – You’re a real zero, Tom said naughtily; “Spoonerisms” – Three cheers for our queer old dean Victoria.; “Signs of the times” – Sign on divorce lawyer’s wall: Satisfaction guaranteed or your honey back.; “Definitions” – Egoist: One who is me deep in conversation.; “Palindromes” (Sentence that eads the same both ways) – Madam, I’m Adam.; “On the job” – I used to be a ballet dancer but found it too-too difficult.

As the carpenter said to me…”Bored yet?”

Doin' What Comes Natur'lly.

Today's Tids Issue 2,196
Opening Stuff:

Nervous? On edge? Did you waken under a cloud of doom? Forget about Friday the 13th. It’s just a day. Actually it’s a good thing as it provides me with an easy opening for Today’s mess. Anything that makes my life easier is a good thing. Let’s look at it this way. The Stock Market will probably rebound this morning. Obama may do something stupid which will enhance the opportunity to replace Congress. We in New England are reveling over a pretty good pre-season kick-off for the Pats. Hey, the sun came up, the morning was cool and refreshing and as I walked over to pick up my paper I met a couple of good friends sipping their coffee in the park while walking the dog. And they were loving Friday the 13th morning…just like me.

Ground Zero mosque supporters seem to enjoy calling the 68% of Americans against it (27% for it) intolerant bigots. Jeez, how loving are these upholders of Freedom of Religion…who would probably be first in line to rip the Ten Commandments off the wall of a Court House. But I digress. After looking at pronouncements by Islamic leaders for the last ten or so years, it is fairly apparent that this is a religion that is most intolerant of any on this earth. For one thing, a feeling, loving religion would at least be sensitive to the hurt of the tens of thousands whose lives were destroyed in that hole around the corner.

Stat of the Week Department:
Illegal Aliens now make up 4% of the US population. Illegal Aliens account fro 8% of births in America. Do the math.

The Question:
The great American legend and sharpshooter Annie Oakley was born exactly 150 years ago today. She was made even more famous in a wonderful Broadway Musical and subsequent movie “Annie Get Your Gun”. Name five songs from AGYG.

The Headlines:

--Markets Cautious Before Opening Awaiting Before On Consumer Confidence.
--Germany Growth Pushes Eurozone GDP Rise.
--US Nabs al-Qaida Linked Taliban In Pakistan.
--Russia Plans To Load Fuel Into Iran’s First Nuclear Plant Next Week.
--Explorers/Scientists Pull Wooden Crate Of 100 Year Old Scotch From Arctic Ice.
--Cal Judge Keeps Prop 8 Gay Marriage Ban In Place For Six days Until Appeals Are Exhausted.
--Petraeus Hedges On July 2011 Afghan Pullback Goal.
--Pats Beat Saints 27-14.

Back to More Stuff:

A reader has two words for all of the readers who picked gin or vodka over chocolate – Chocolate Martini.

I may have jumped to conclusions after reading sensationalized headlines with respect to the “Flight Attendant” Jet Blue incident and pulled an Obama. It appears that today many  passengers are coming out against the “nation’s latest folk hero”; calling him outrageous and the obvious instigator of the uproar. But, that doesn’t change my mind about some of the rude selfish slobs masquerading as responsible citizens on airplanes. I still feel for the 99.99% of the attendants who quietly put up with irrational demands and behavior.

The Dalai Lama walked up to the hot dog vendor and said “Make me one with everything.”

Anything that smacks of alternative energy is so titillating to many that they forget about common sense and reason. For instance, the Pols in RI jumped aboard deep water windmill farms that would destroy the horizon of RI waters…and produce energy at a cost of 24.4 cents/KWH versus the current 9.5 cents. (And a promise to increase the wind power costs by 3.5 cents each year thereafter.) Lunacy. But, that seems to be the national trend these days.

I have it on expert authority that the best coffee across this great country of ours is Ocean State Roaster’s coffee as served at Jonathon’s Café in Newport RI.

Through the same eyes: Chapter 88: --It was only about ten minutes later when I heard a car slowly coming up the Whitaker’s gravel driveway. My heart leapt. I couldn’t freeze, not now. I darted across thee perfect lawn into a small but thick wooded area to the right of the yard. Within seconds of turning around, I saw Henry’s police car pull into the large turnaround area in front of the garage. Before I could shout, the front passenger side door popped open and Paul jumped out. He looked panicked. His head darted from my parked car to the yard and back woods. And then to Henry, “Where…” Before he finished I jumped and ran towards him.
“Paul, I’m here. I’m ok.” His head turned towards me and I saw an amazing look of loving relief cross his face. Some deep inside of me forced a stream of tears to flow down my cheeks as I now ran even faster towards him. And the huge arms enveloped my body. I never felt so safe. So loved. I just stood there. Molded to his body and strength.
“Sarah”. He didn’t say anything more. Because he was now crying too. Neither of us moved.
My head turned a little and I saw Henry standing there looking at our love. There was a beautiful, fatherly smile on his face. I knew he wanted to move us on. But, I think he sensed something important going on between two people. In love?

The US used to be a pretty civil place before magic markers, before protestors learned how to print.

Did you hear about the two antennas who got married? The wedding wasn’t much but the reception was great.

Reading Between the Lines Movie Reviews:
Mediocrity reigns this week in movie-land with three that could find strong niche followings none of which would include me.
--Eat, Pray, Love is in fact a beautifully filmed, aging gracefully vehicle for Julia Robert’s next career as an older woman. She is a writer touring the world in search of what’s missing in her life in this “Under the Tuscan Sun” wanabee that is much too long and with too thin a plot. Woman will enjoy her journey. RI actor Richard Jenkins is outstanding.
--Scott Pilgrim will captivate teens with a knack for gaming. The film cleverly replicates a comic book delivery with word balloons and other illustrative techniques.
--The Expendables brings us back to muscle bound shoot em’ up action thrillers of the 80’s. In this one Sylvester Stallone is back with rippling biceps and in no holds barred attack mode as he and a bunch of testosterone laden pals bring down a South American drug lord dictator. But, it’s more about tattoos and abs. So much so that one scene of no relevancy brings together Stallone, Willis and Schwarzenegger. It’s nostalgia trip, pure and simple.
--But! There is one film out there that may be worth seeing. It is an biographical movie about Joan Rivers. Yes that Joan Rivers. The funny lady with the tragic life. It is far from a puff piece as Joan in an act of bravery well beyond anything that may come from Stallone…removes her make-up. And the camera shoots it all. It is a brilliant film that shows vividly the real extraordinarily completive world of entertainment. Check this one out.

The Jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender looked at him and said, “I’ll serve you but don’t start anything.”

The Answer:
This is one of my all time favorite musicals. It’s a pretty good romantic tale, and the music as all hummable. With good lyrics as well. How about “There’s Now Business Like Show Business”, “Anything You Can Do”, “I Got he Sun in the Morning”, “The Girl That I Marry”, “Din What Comes Natur’lly” and “You Can’t Get a Man With a Gun”.

The Big Finale:

“The politics, the ocean, the novel, the puns…The readers who lift you up when you’re down; // The questions, the poetry, the heart strings, the news…The Dems who want to run you out of town. // The morning when your heart beats like a drum…Those closings when everything seems so dumb // There’s no business like Tids business like no business I know; Everything about it is fulfilling, But best are those who tell me Wow! // So here am I, stealing that extra bow!” (Stolen and paraphrased from There’s no business like Show Business.)

Thanks for being out there and occasionally opening up this thing.

my brain is fried.

Today's Tids Issue 2,169
Opening Stuff:

Unnecessary Headlines Department:
“Record breaking heat smothers East Coast.”

Two nights ago it was Eric Anderson. Eric Anderson? Last night it Niuman Romaro. Niuman Romaro? Yes, the Red Sox are quilting again, sending out another patchwork line-up full up people unheard of a minute before “Play Ball”. It’s the big lottery Line-up. Sometimes you get a winner like Anderson who has been crushing the ball for two days. And then last night you get Romaro who the TB Rays marked down as an automatic out. Actually it’s kind of fun rooting for the no names. Because, when they come through the excitement and emotional reward is that much better than when the highly paid players do what they are suppose to do.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

The Question:
Today, I should be asking a question about number of deaths from shipping accidents where ice bergs were involved. So think about those giant blocks of cooling ice while you try to remember the most devastating U.S. fires with the highest loss of lives.

The Headlines:
--Stocks Back In Slide Mode After Momentary Break From Free-Fall Tuesday.
--China Says It will Not Use Trillion It Holds In US Debt As Political Hammer In Ideological Disputes.
--Pieces Starting To fall In NBA free Agent Lottery; ESPN Reports Wade And Bosh Going To Miami.
--June Service Sector Growth Slowest Since February.
--Manson Follower And Participant In Gruesome Tate Murders, Leslie Van Houton, Denied Parole Again.
--Perky Little Lohan Gets Time In Slammer.

Back to More Stuff:

Lebron James will announce where he is going in a one hour ESPN show tomorrow night. One hour! What could they possibly do that takes an hour? It sounds like a 30 second news flash to me.

BTW, I'm rooting for Cleveland.

After watching World Cup soccer team players acting, flopping and feigning injuries and fouls I came to the conclusion that they must have been coached by Duke U. Basketball’s Mike Krzyzewski.

This hot sun is bad for grown veggies and flowers in gardens, but terrific for growing seaweed in oceans near beaches.

Often in the summer I’m off before the newspaper arrives. This forces me to read the paper on-line which reinforces my belief that reading a live newspaper is much easier and more relaxing than the electronic version. And, the real tragedy here is that young people may never have the opportunity to compare and learn for themselves.

We can see the growing lunacy in many Americans by the way they are willing to give up their privacy to the Internet social networks. But, that is probably just the tip of the iceberg. As more and more people give up brick and mortar shopping and opt for click buying, personal purchase patterns will be available for all eyes, including the big eye in Washington DC.

I’m finding today as try to write convoluted theories that the high humidity has my cerebellum stuck to my eyeball and I can’t see my way towards logical conclusions. This is one of the “It-was-a-good-idea-at-the-time” days.

I should just write down a lot of lightweight puns that have absolutely no socially redeeming powers. So just remember that condoms should be used for all conceivable occasions.

The Answer: 1st we have Chicago’s Iroquois Theater fired that killed 602 people. Next is Boston’s Cocoanut Grove fore (492), New London TX School Explosion (296-3190, Hartford (CT) Circus Fire (168), Winecoff Hotel, Atlanta (119), Station Nightclub West Warwick RI (100), Our Lady of Angels School, Chicago (92) and MGM Grand LV (87). In addition to fatalities, thousands in these fires were marred with devastating injuries. So don’t worry about the heat.

Shoot me.
So, finally I leave you…and I leave with this one thought. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat

The confidence of love.

Today's Tids Issue 2,161
Opening Stuff:

You can step bravely into the world when you know you are held dearly in someone else’s heart.

There are two things for sure about the Afghan wars: 1. The Russians were right when they said at the outset we were jumping into a quagmire. 2. You can’t place an arbitrary deadline for troop removal when the enemy has absolutely no timetable.

The Question: Why do you think the guy was canned form the orange juice factory, axed from the lumber jack job and why he wasn’t suited for the tailor job?

The Headlines:
--Government Lowers Growth Estimate For First Quarter; New Estimate Lowered From Previously Released 3% To 2.7%; Fourth Q Was 5.7%.
--Morning Wall Street Quandary: Go Up On News Of Financial Regulations Agreement; Go Down On Lower Growth Number.
--Overhaul Of Wall Street Rules Legislation Moves To House And Senate for Vote.
--Palin To return $400K After Ethics Commission Rules Contributions Illegal.
--Heath Care Rules Reveal That Employer Insured Citizens Will Not Be Able To Keep What They Have As Promised By President “Whatever It takes”.
--Scientists Find Toxins In Whales.
--Tornado Topples Buildings In Connecticut’s Largest City, Bridgeport.

Back to More Stuff:

I admit I had to chuckle at the news item, “Dutch to use ‘Decoy Jews’ to stop hate crimes. My immediate image was that of a good ole’ country boy sittin’ on a front porch with a pile of people sized logs carving Jewish appearing people as enticements for crazed bigots. Think of the great new folk art market! But, this is a serious problem in The Netherlands. For over ten years now in this one time haven for Anne Frank, Jewish people who are recognizable from clothing have been unable to walk peacefully in the streets. The Government of Amsterdam is considering posting police in Yarmulkes to attract and arrest racists. Bigotry seems to be the most resistant to antidotes' virus in the history of mankind.

Which reminds me of a funny line from a Jewish friend the other day. In a small gathering I was telling people that some security experts are recommending that instead of mace or pepper spray, people carry a can of “Wasp” spray… To which he interrupted, “Wow, I could have used that when I was a kid!”

Why do I look at the picture of Barney Frank And Chris Dodd announcing the agreement on the Financial regs bill and not feel very confident that anything will ever get better.

As a long time supporter of States Rights, I couldn’t be happier to see the reactionaries in LA and Oakland Cal back down on their hysterical boycott of Arizona legislation.

This morning’s Wall Street picture is exactly why the markets are so quivery. Early this morning futures looked higher because the moguls finally knew what was coming out of Congress on new regulations. But, then just after 8:00 AM reality set in when the 1st Q growth rate was lowered due to lower actuals on consumer spending and increased imports. It is really hard to have a lot of faith in a market that more and more is day to day, manipulated by CYA traders seeking bonuses at the end of the year.

But then, when have recent executive salaries and bonuses ever been based on doing things well for customers.

A knowledge of history will always contribute to better decisions than emotions of the heart.

As far as I can see the on-going oil slick saga has come down to a debate between public CYA weenies and private CYA weenies. With much of it obscuring the facts.

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 79 continues. –I told her that Marie was looking at us like she was at home at with the afternoon soaps. She laughed, not like the lover but as a friend hearing a joke. But I knew she was faking it. She wanted to let everything inside of her come out like a swollen river after a deluge. I looked at my half eaten pie. It wasn’t the time to indulge. It was a time to care. I flicked towards Marie for a check. She produced it like a magician and moved forward.
As she came to the table, Sarah/Maggie looked up at her, looked at her wearing that amazing confident smile of hers. “Henry has fired Kent and I as detectives on the vandalism caper!” Marie’s lips eased. “We decided to celebrate at this table where we spent our most effective time deciphering clues. You probably never knew how critical your place was to easing the Fosterville crime wave” Marie’s shoulders relaxed.
“No I didn’t”, she answered now playing along with our little act. She handed me the handwritten bill.
I quickly paid the tab and as I left I pecked Marie on the cheek, “I’ll be back for your pie, crime on the streets or no crime on the streets.” She shagged her arm up and tapped me gently on the shoulder.
Sarah was at her car by the time I came down the 3 steps. She turned quickly and I could see the look of sadness in her eyes. I approached and saw a small tear in the corner of her eye. “I guess we’ll have to find another place to meet. You know that I will never be able to live without you.”
I felt fullness in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. Maybe she wasn’t lying to me. Maybe I was only imaging a change. I looked over my shoulder. Marie was staring at me. I wanted to crush Sarah/Maggie in my arms. Feel her heat next to mine.

Probably the thing I like best about Wimbledon is that they all still wear white. A reminder that if it is really good it doesn’t need glitz to keep it going.

In a short comment about the absurdity of keeping passengers imprisoned on an airplane for four hours in sweltering heat, it was said that the new law hadn’t gone into effect yet. Too my knowledge the laws of common sense have been with us since the beginning of time. When people are passing out in front of you, do you need a law to tell you that something is wrong? In fact it’s probably some regulation that kept the travelers in their tomb.

Reading Between the Lines Movies reviews:
--Well, first we had Four Seasons and then the Big Chill. So now it’s the slackers turn and we get the Grown Ups. Which it is definitely not about. Five comedic guys and former basketball teammates -- Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider -- get together at the funeral of their coach. Woman in their lives are played by Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, Maya Rudolph. It’s about a C- movie and not very funny considering the talent. But probably will be appreciated by guys who think they are old but rally haven’t discovered the definition of responsibility and commitment.

The Answer:
He was canned because he couldn’t concentrate, axed because he couldn’t hack it and was suited because it was a sew-sew job. He then found his job in the muffler factory was too exhausting. The only noteworthy accomplishment was in the music business.

Justifiable Homicide:
After re-reading that quiz answer, I now know why some apparently calm and caring people fly into rage and strangle other people

Where are the Ruby Slippers any how?

Today's Tids Issue 2,123
Opening Stuff:

You think you have everything under control. The sun is shining. The boss loves you. Your lawn is growing great with fewer weeds this year. The kids are doing well. And then you remember…”I don’t have a Mother’s day card yet!” Yikes!

Hey! Today is a big day, and in honor of it I’m all for giving away free tacos. Even if Cinque de mayo is nothing holiday in Mexico, our Hispanic condoning society has elevated it to St. Patrick’s Day status here. So lets give away those “free” tacos, and maybe lure a few illegal aliens out of hiding. Now that would be something to celebrate.

I have been told I have ears of  corn because I like listening to puns.

The Question:
One of the funniest. More irreverent comedy groups of our times was Monty Python. Name the original members of the troupe. What was the name of the BBC show that launched their fame?

The Headlines:
--NY Bomb Suspect Cooperating; No Fly Listed Bomber Gets On Get-Away Plane..
--Weather Cooperating With Forces Trying To Battle Giant Oil Slick; Authorities Considering Covering Mess With Giant Dome; Others Say Have 440 Munchkins Swim Around Site Continuously In Declining Concentric Circles; New evidence Suggests Wicked Witch Of The West May Behind It All.
--European Economy Still A Worry; Stocks Not Expected To Rebound In Early Trading.
--Consumer Spending: Clothing, Footwear Down Versus Year Ago; Electronics, Appliances Status Goods Up; Online Sales Continue To Show Monthly Gains..
--Dems Agree With GOP To Remove Perpetual $50 Billion Bailout Rainy Day Fund From Financial Regulations Bill.
--Incumbents Win Low Turnout Party Primaries In Ohio, Indiana and North Carolina.
--Picasso Sells For Record $106.5 Billion; Bidding On Furbish Paintings Halted After

Back to More Stuff:

The new musical comedy about Frankenstein is the latest example of stage fright.

The riots in Greece are a grim reminder of a world that has gotten too used to getting too much for contributing too little. The gimmie culture appears works when economies are growing beyond the limits of reality. But is totally unrealistic as a key component of true economic model. The truth is that an economy based on nothing of value added is unsustainable. It is simply a matter time until a tax based, no true growth society begins to crumble. And then the near impossible task of taking away begins.

Yahoo! Sports seems to be quoted as an authority more and more these days. But there is something about the phrase Yahoo! Sports that defies credibility in my mind. How about Zowie! Sports. Or Yikes! Sports.

Through the Same Eyes: Chapter 70 continues. “You had me flying all morning!” were the first words I heard as Paul answered his cell. I thought to myself that people don’t just say hello anymore, they have “openings! Ah, technology.
“And why would that be”, I answered coyly…like I used to. Now I felt guilt. Now I felt I didn’t deserve to be cute with Paul, my husband, the father of my children, the extraordinary man who made me rapturously happy until six months ago. Will I ever be happy?
“Are you zoning out again?” I heard Paul.
“Maybe I’ve been flying this morning too and the sound your voice sends me to new heights.” I paused, “What do you think?”
“I hope”, he answered very quickly.
He hopes? What does that mean?
“So, what do you want? Do you want me to come home”. I could feel a twinkle in his voice.
“That would be nice,” I answered primarily to keep him happy. He deserves that. “No, I’m going to be with Izzy and will meet Sally Ornstein later in the afternoon. She told me you might be there. And I hoped you would. That’s all.”
“I will continue to soar until I can look into your eyes later today. Bye!
Good by Paul” Now I really felt awful. I wonder what will happen when I see Kent?

While the nation continues to mourn the unfortunate deaths of 4 students – William Schroeder, Allison Krause, Jeffery Miller, Sandra Scheuer -- the FBI is releasing new evidence that show the National Guard was fired upon first and that the entire so-called student spontaneous protest was in fact highly radicalized. It was more likely a planned event that started with downtown riots under the leadership of anti-war activists and hard core radicals and culminated with the burning down to the ground of the ROTC building. That students “Trying to exercise their right” may have been mere pawns in a bigger plan. Do you think the radical leadership shares any guilt?

I’m finding annoying my friend who had his foot digits amputated. I must be lack-toes intolerant.

As I get older I notice that I look a lot better in pictures…when I don’t wear my glasses!

One reader writes that the proposed "Taco Bell sting' mentioned above would freak out politicians as voter rolls would be drastically reduced. What the hell. Just make em' up.

The Answer:
How many times have you smiled at the antics of John Cleese, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Eric Idle, Terry Gilliam and Graham Chapman? You would have first saw them all together in 1969 on Monty Python’s Flying Circus. 1969?

A Punny finale:
Remember, a midget is the center engine on a three engine plane. Don’t be fooled. And if you aren’t confused yet, consider that Yeast is the direction you look at in the morning to watch the bun rise.

My cup of Tea Party

Sunday Sermon:

Opening Stuff:

Saturday night Sarah Palin did what she does best, Cheerleading! Crowds love her enthusiasm and folksy approach to the big picture. By the end of the rousing speech, the audience was shouting “Run, Sarah run!” A lot of people like to criticize her folksiness as not being “Presidential”. Not me. I’ve seen “Presidential” and I’m not impressed. I’d rather have “This is me and you’re stuck with it…but I’ll listen and I’ll get things done” than a slick well - handled “Suit” any day. Of course the problem with Sarah is substance. She has supposedly been on a cram course of recent months, but I still see her struggling for good from the heart…and brain…answers to spontaneous questions. She has been basically memorizing sound bites for each given situation or possible question. At least, that's the way it looks to me. She is dynamic in her support for the America I have always liked best, so I’ll keep an eye on her. She has the focus, the guts and the desire.

Greg Cravens reminds us that in the past the business maxim for success was “Find a need and fill it”. And, that in today’s new Internet world it is “Create an obsession and feed it”.

The Tea Party is a movement that basically wants smaller government and a return to values many across the land feel once defined America. That is the essence. Unfortunately for all their good motives, the press is confusing the issue by trying to define who they are. And by trying to point out the faults while always looking for terminal flaws. But the way I see it, the movement is doing the right thing. They realize now that there is a lot of power in their ideas. That the people are listening. This convention is more important for methodically organizing ideas and assets than for the publicity that is associated with it. And, the people who love calling them “Fringe” will once again prove that they have totally lost touch and are loonier than ever.

One media wag says about the Tea Party, “Their harsh rhetoric keeps them on the fringe.” The harsh rhetoric is simply the honest truth that the myopic don’t want to understand.”

The Headlines:

--Iran Says It Will Enrich Uranium At Higher Levels.
--Mudslides In Cal Push Houses Down Mountains.
--Nations Capital Under 30 Inches Of Snow.
--Palin Boffo At Tea Party Speech.
--Judge Say Jet Engine Builder Pratt Whitney Can’t Move Jobs Out of US.
--0-Man Admits HC May Die On Hill; Tries To Cheer Up Depressed dems At Pep Rally.
--Alito Implies That Prez Misstatements At The SOU Are A Reminder Of the Problems Of Our New Sound Bite Society

More Stuff:

Friday, speaking on Health Care, 0-Man urged a “…methodical, open process…". Isn’t this same guy who last spring was saying ‘August or else’…I mean ‘October at any cost’…or was that, ‘It’s got to be done by the State of the Union’. The ragtag health care bill died under the weight of bad decisions made under the pressure of unnecessary deadlines.

Weirdness in America continues as we learn of the anger management counselor who pulls a gun on two law officers because their car was blocking his. Or how about Reggie Bush hiring six body guards to protect Kim Kardashian at the super bowl game. And then we have the University of Southern Cal recruiting and signing a 13 year old football player.

Ah, sports in America. But USC has to recruit young now because they’ll probably be on probation for the next several years after new Lane “Darkside” Kipfin gets finished with the program. The next tome somebody wants to report creepy old guys hanging around school yards, they had better be sure they are USC scouts.

For all of you newbies reading the Tids for the first time on the web, this iconic column has always been a good home for unwanted Puns. But, after 0ver 2,000 issues the pun well dryeth up. I always felt that the so-called “lowest form of humor” met the basaic standards of the Tids. But, now I may have to drop back and punt.

Are we getting into second phase of the unopened-financial-statements-sanity-preservation strategy? By Bonds...if you can find them at a reasonable price. The "experts" are publically talking about stocks but protecting their own portfolios with bond purcahses. Clueless Lane strikes again.

I’m hearing so many experts saying the Colts are a lock, that it’s looking like a snap for the Saints.

Kim Kardashian is famous because somebody hires body guards to protect her.

The Swine Flu pandemic is over. Was that the most overblown scare tactic in history. Remember the media scrambling to find death. Like they scared the bejesus out of everybody, and now they had to substantiate their claims by over-reporting every possibility of an N1H1 death. Forgetting that the victims are people and there are still families in America who prefer to mourn outside of the spotlight.

I wouldn't even think abotu rooting for the Saints just becasue they had a hurricane 5 years ago.
Call me a grouch, but it is always about playing the game, not devine intervention.

And in RI...“Numbnuts”, Congressman Patrick Kennedy, says that “The election of Scott Brown was a joke”. The latest proof that he doesn’t get it, and never has. Looking for a Joke Patrick…

Several years ago, The mighty Tids Sports Department observed that it would not belong before the big NCAA basketball programs fell back to the pack as the premiere HS players leave for the NBA. When the rules were changed to mandate one year of College play it got worse. The so-called “Bigs” got the super recruits, but never had them for more than a year. If they didn’t mesh into a team for a championship, it was probably rebuild all over again next year. Meanwhile the 2nd and 3rd tier teams picked up good but not sensational phenoms and built teams that matured over the four years. Look at the Top 25. The beloved-by-sportscasters ACC now has but 2 teams, and neither are in the top 10. The Big East has 5, the Big 12 -- 4, Big 10 – 4 and Southeast -- 4. The Pac 10 has none! The rest are BYU, New Mexico, Gonzaga, Butler, Northern Iowa and Temple.

While we are in Basketball land, one of my boyhood heroes, Dick McGuire died at 84. He was a magician with the ball and lead St. Johns of Brooklyn to national recognition. You know his brother Al bcause Al new how to get the press to beg for quotes. But he couldn’t hold his brother’s jock. And, Al knew it. Interestingly, there was a third McGuire in those heady SJ days, Frank. Frank, no relation was the coach and when he moved down to North Carolina, it was the beginning of the ACC dominance as he used the underground railroad in reverse to bring NYC’s best to the happy hills of Carolina.

If harsh rhetoric makes you “Fringe”, than all of those Bush bashers must be fringe too.