Today's Tids Issue 3,490
Opening Stuff:
I
can’t tell you exactly what I was doing the first time
I heard the story, but I remember sitting in a pew in a cavernous church,
probably squirming hoping it would all end, when the words I had never heard
before started to drift into my young mind: “An angel of the Lord visits the
shepherds and brings them ‘good news of great joy’; ‘to you is born on this day
in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord.’ The Angel tells
them they will find a child wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.
The Angel is joined by a heavenly host who sing, ‘Glory to God in the Highest
heaven, and peace on earth…” And I sat there and all I could do was imagine how unbelievably fantastic that
chorus in the sky must have sounded. I have heard many beautiful choirs with
powerful orchestras singing glorious praise, but I still haven’t heard what I
as a mere kid in short pants envisioned that day. Someday I hope to find it. I’ll let you know.
I
also thought at the time, what the hell is swaddling.
Artificial
Christmas trees certainly look perfect and are definitely
easy to use year after year. But, there is something about walking through a
Christmas tree farm on a cold day; something about the magnificent aromas of
fresh cut pine wafting throughout the home that just can’t be replaced with a
man-made, symmetrical shape with lights.
Is a mere kid the goat version of a mere cat?
Get
ready for the year of the legacy. Everything the 0-Man
will be doing in 2016 will be all about shining his record for his legacy and
keeping all of the promises he made in two elections. The real problem with him
keeping his promises was that they were bad ideas when he made them -- And
worse now.
The
Question:
If you have been reading this Morning Mess for ten
or so years, you have probably seen every decent pun that has ever existed.
Name your favorite five and I’ll give you mine. Bonus: Who are the five all time NHL Goal Scoring Leaders?
The
Headlines:
--Wall Street looking For Bargains After Last
Week’s Sell-Off; Expect Crazy Week To End Mad Year; Dow Up over 120 At 10:30.
--Woman Driver Repeatedly Turns Car Into Vegas
Strip Crowds Killings At Least One, Injuring Over 50; Eye Witness Say It Looked
Like A Massacre; Police Say It doesn’t Appear To Be Terror Act.
--6 NAT Troops Kiled In Afghan Suicide Attack.
--And The Winner Is Miss Colu…Uh-Oh, Hold That
Tiara – It’s Miss Philippines; Funny Man Steve Harvey Has Philippinos and Colombians Gasping As He Misreads Winner Announcement At Miss Universe Contest.
--Russia Building Strong Business Ties In Africa.
--Gun Manufacturers Love Obama Factor That Pushes
Up Sales.
--FIFA Bans Blatter For 8 Years.
Had
a good discussion with a guy I know who has a
reliable source on Andros, the Greek island which is a favorite landing spot at
1,000/day of Syrian and other ME refugees. Some facts from eyes on the island with
no agenda: They all come with no money, no assets, except a smart phone –
encrypted. Over 80% are men between 20 and 30 years old. The pics you see of
Mother with baby are selected by photojournalists from the few available to
enhance their story of pathos. In addition, the new arrivals take refuge the first
night in Greek Orthodox Churches where they proceed ot remove all crosses. Have
any news programs reported that? The locals also say they leave lots of trash
behind them, which basically is not unlike tourists to Newport.
I
was at a small but creative outdoor garden shop full of
some pretty original Christmas accessories. It was very cold, and one of the
clerks, sipping on wine, was burning a pine sprig in a warming fire. She looked
up at me and smiled, “I like to enhance the smell of pine in the area. I nodded
and said, “You must be the aromatherapist,” She said thanks for making me feel
important.
The
journalistic gushing after the Dem debate last night
sounded like Niagara Falls, but it was much shallower.
Where
do fashion or decorating trends come from? More than likely
it’s some editor of a magazine sitting in front of a keyboard facing an empty
screen thinking, “What the f--- am I going to write about today?” The real
talent of the cultural writers, theater critics or fashion/home décor writers
isn’t the critique or design idea itself, but how they justify it culturally.
So our House & Garden editor looking for a new angle is thinking, well pink
and green is way too lily Pulitzer in a Black Lives Matter world. “Aha,” says
the writer, “how about Pink and Blue, two colors normally used separately to
define sexes. But, thei modern up to the minute writer rationalizes, “Pink and
Blue together conforms to the blending of sexes in the new culture. Welcome to
the Cousinart era! I can
Have
you noticed how people who use artificial trees always
take the time to make a little excuse about why they are using them? There must
always be a little guilt tucked away somewhere
The
Christmas Carol by Dickens has been bringing happy tears to
appreciative eyes for 173 years. I wonder how Star Wars will be affecting
people in 2150.
Photos
don’t lie, but they certainly can deceive.
After
year end tax selling and stock dumping, a list of some pretty
good stock buys to check out come into focus for year end portfolio
replenishing. 1. Energy secretor stocks like Occidental Petroleum, National
Oilwell Varco and Stage Stores. 2. Retailers like Amazon, Nordstrom and Macy;s.
And #3. Small caps NII Holdings, Jernigan Capital, Tribune Publishing, and dry
bulk shipper Navios Maritime Holdings.
The
President will spend a lot of time tooting and telling the
country that the only way to keep all of his good things going is to elect
Hillary. That’s your next twelve to fourteen months. Get used to it.
Actually,
around these days I often feel like I have a lot of money in my pocket. This is
good and invigorating until I reach into my pocket and pull out a couple of
napkins form a Christmas cocktail party. It’s somewhat like the Peurto Rican
economy.
I
have an artificial tree, and I feel a little guilt when I
see family’s trooping around picking out a life one. But, this little tree of
ours is a special one, a little quirky, only slightly better looking than the
Charlie Brown classic. But, I still miss that smell of pine which was always so
much a part of the Christmas home filed with happiness.
Criminal
enterprises may be finding a good venue for money
laundering in house rehab and flipping.
I
was reminded the other day about how exciting a good, close
High school or College swimming meet can be.
RI
like too many states these days seems to be so tied to the
regulations demanded by the acceptance of federal funds that logic is ceasing
to exist. That the wonderful human factors generally associated with regional
differences are being blended into statistical norms. And the left wing
Senators here keep on touting the bringing home of the bacon forgetting that
they are putting their constituents in shackles. Big government is a giant
Cuisinart.
I
read where Microsoft is ramping up their efforts to
bring software for holograms into more general usage. The opened a studio in
NYC where it is expected ad writers and TV commercial producers will grasp onto
the technology. I hate to say it, but I can also see in the future Christmas
tree holograms? Maybe they can create some digital aromas.
I
faced a sense of deep despair Saturday. I walked into my
local supermarket and discovered that unaware that I was about to enter a black
hole -- they had totally rearranged the snack department! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! I
spent ten minutes looking for two of my favorite orange treats, but to no
avail. Talk about a blue Christmas.
Some
days the Tids reads like a Gift shop. But our sappy
sayings are all original.
The
Parking Lot Chapter 35 continues.
“James
is dead?” Jeremiah slumped back into his pillow, his mouth open. His mother came
back over from across the room.
“We are
all saddened, and sorry we had to bury him while you were sleeping. Do you want
to lay here for a minute and pray. We can leave.”
“No, no.
I need to know what’s happening.” Mussatta took his hand. His mother brought up
a chair and sat. The two women looked at each other.
“You
father thinks we as a family have a obligation to bring peace to this small town.
We own so much of the land, even more since the small battle against the
Howland’s and Reynold’s families. Howland has lived, but he has been defeated
and will be judged in court by the people. Richard says it would be best for us
and our neighbors as well as Red Shoes and the Wampanoags to come to an
agreement where more of the people can use our lands.”
“The men
of key families have rode to gather in the big home overlooking the Sakonnett
Bay just above the tribal lands. Your father has a plan to control the lands that
are yours and ours and also our neighbors, but let others use it for the good
of the community.”
“The
Howland family has plenty of good land by the fish laden waters. They control the
bridge to the big island, but we control all roads to the rest of the lands. Your
father thinks the remaining Howland’s and their friendly families, without the
volitile temper of the old man, will work well with us and everyone.” She
looked at Musatta and then her son. “We talked with Musatta about what you own,
and she agreed. This had to be done.”
Jeremiah
turned an looked at his wife and squeezed her hand harder. It was the first positive
emotion she had felt in nearly a month.
The
Answer:
Ok, I’m not going to tell you that “Easy Climber Stair
Lifts” drive me up a wall.! But I will give some of my favorite puns in no
special order: 1. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 2. A
hole has been found in a nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 3.
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it will still be stationary. 4.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 5. A dog gave birth to puppies by the
side of the road and was cited for littering. 6. I wondered why the baseball
kept on getting bigger, and then it hit me. 7. A midget fortuneteller who
escaped from prison was a small, medium at large. 8. If you jumped off a bridge
in Paris you’d be in Seine. 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so
they set a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you
can’t have your kayak and heat it too. And one I may like best (until I see the
next one) – Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him …tada…a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
Bonus:
Last night Jaromir Jagr moved into 4th place all time. The rest are
Wayne Gretsky, Gordie Howe, Brett Hull, Jagr, Marcel Dionne, Phil Esposito,
Mike Gartner, Mark Messier, Steve Ysermanand number 10, Mario Lemieux. But,
I’ll take Bobby Orr any day to start my team. Here’s the entire list for you. http://statshockey.homestead.com/alltimegoals.html
And
then, there’s a woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to
Spainand is named Juan. Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his
mother. She is pleased and tells her husband she wished she had a picture of
her second son, He replies, “If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
Heard
any heavenly music lately?
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