Today's Tids Issue 3,415
Opening Stuff:
Yesterday
I wrote about Calvin Of Calvin and Hobbs thoughts about laughing at absurdity. Then I saw later
yesterday that one of the classic cases of utter absurdity was finally winding
down, sort of – airless footballs. The absurdity of course is how a grown man
making $34 Million per year can take such fabricated nonsense so seriously. Cue
the laugh track please. Hee-Hee, Ha Ha, Ho Ho. Ha ha ha ha ha! Hee hee hee hee
hee. Guffaw, Guffaw, Guffaw. My sides are splitting and I’m rolling on the
floor. It hurts.
I
was standing in a fairway sand trap on a very hot day;
the sun bearing down and the stark white reflecting the heat upward. As I stood
there feeling the rising intensity of the searing heat, I started thinking that
I was certain now that I would never want to be in a desert fighting ISIS. Then
I swung the club and flubbed it. That’s my problem with golf – my mind wanders.
As
one penguin said to another, Department:
“I would have been here earlier, but my iceberg
ran into a ship.” That’s a line for one of the great comics I missed yesterday
-- Herman. I received an impassioned plea from a woman with a wonderful sense
of humor who said she and her mom laughed crazily at that strip until the people
with strait jackets came to take them away. A good strip will do that to you —On
another front a reader suggested that also among the missing yesterday were
Pogo and Shoe. Actually Pogo was atop an “All Time Best Comics” list I saw, and
Shoe – well shoe is a strip that I could steal a good pun from just about every
day. Rats.
The
Question:
Name six prominent actors who were almost cast as
James Bond. Bonus: What is FFRF?
The
Headlines:
--Stocks Crushed On Opening; 173K Jobs For August;
Joblesss benefits At 7 Year Low; Good news Strengthens Fed Move To Higher
Rates.
--White House Monitoring Reports Of Russian Military
In Syria; Assad Ally Putin Says Western Policy In Middle East Produced Refugee
Problem.
--Manager Of Florida Arby’s Store Refuses Customer
Because She Was A Cop; Police Union Says It Is Calling For National Boycott.
--FBI Scowering Hillary Computer Looking For
Foreign Hacks.
--China Naval Ships Come Within 12 Miles Of USA
Alaskan Shore.
--Egypt Billionaire Naguib Sawins To Buy Island
Off Greece And Set Up For Embattled Refugees.
--TV Network Affiliates May Be The Wall That Slows
The Introduction of Broad Based Streaming.
Tids
Book Exchange:
One of the Tids more erudite subscribers says a
great read is David McCullough’s “The Wright Bothers”. It is much more than you
may think based on the title. And beautifully written. Send in your own good
read suggestions.
Did
you see where a drone crash-landed during the US Open
tennis Championship? And we thought littering was the symbol of an
irresponsible citizenry. How insane will drone owners become?
When
the minorities are involved in a discussion, constitutional
amendments tend to lose their meaning. Regardless of whether or not you support
the beliefs of the Kentucky marriage license clerk, Kim Davis, she was jailed because
of her religious convictions. She is making decisions base on her own morality,
and the teaching of her own and the Christian religion that marriage is between
one man and one woman. When the Supreme Court said gay marriage was just fine, I
don’t remember them adding they were overiding the First Amendment and Freedom
of Religion. The media will never give Kim a fair shake. She will become the
victim of ridicule, which you may have noticed seems to be trendy among comedians
and various congregations of elitists. Guffawing up sleeves at people who
believe has become a national pastime. It’s sad to me.
If
you’re looking for a way to measure your stocks,
a new study says that Technical Analysts will; always give you better results than
fundamental analysts by a wide margin.
At
the very time the 0-Man finally put together his veto
proof congressional group backing his Iran deal, Iran was iterating its
position that, “The U.S. and Zionists should know that the Islamic Revolution
will continue enhancing its preparedness until it overthrows Israel and
liberates Palestine”. And, “U.S. Officials make boastful remarks and imagine
that they can impose anything on the Iranian nation because they lack proper knowledge
of the Iranian nation.” And, “Teheran would not allow any foreigner to discover
Iran’s defensive and missile capabilities by inspecting the country’s military
sites.” Nothing is ever resolved in the Middle East.
How
States Die, Department:
The People Of RI wondered last week why the Mayor
of Providence was down in Guatemala meeting with the country’s President. His
staff said it was part of his economic development program. Yesterday it was
announced that President Otto Perez Molino of Guatemala was arrested for
corruption. Thus goes the sound thinking behind another RI economic development
program.
The
Parking Lot: Chapter 13:
Dealing
with paranoid people makes others do some weird things. But there was Jared sitting
in the midst of sick people at the South Coast new out patience care center. He
was trying not to breathe in as he looked at the germ ridden group of kids and
oldsters coughing, sniveling or just staring bleary eyed into space. But, he did
have to agree that Nancy had picked a place that the two large mean looking thugs
would probably pass on.
He was
just getting ready to inhale, when the door burst open and Nancy walked in
without looking at anybody except him. Her eyes bore down as though she was
trying to uncover any nefarious thoughts in his mind. He could have assured her
it was blank. He smiled hoping to see her lips move from the tight-lipped rigidity.
Her lips remained fixed, but strangely her eyes brightened a bit. With that he
inhaled deeply forgetting that it may be a death sentence. He looked around at the
infirmed and quickly blew hard, hoping he got it all out before the germs took
hold.
She
looked back at the door as she sat, almost hitting a little boy with her arm. He
started to whimper, but she turned, and her stare shut him down. “What do you
want?” she said rapidly under her breath.
“I think
I found something you want, but first you have to tell me what I’m involved in.”
Jared was getting tired of the mystery.
Reading
Between the Lines Movie Reviews:
--To be honest with you, I’m really not interested
in watching two old guys stumble around the forests and mountains. But that’s
what we get these days when producers don’t know what to do with aging ex-Box
office idols – Cute old people movies. Who wants to watch old people anyhow? But,
if you like cute old people and in particular Robert Redford and Nick Nolte,
the you’ll probably like “A Walk In The Woods”. I won’t be there.
--The Transporter Refueled could win a Razzberry
this March. Frank Martin gets duped by an attractive trio of leggy women into
taking part in a bank heist of the century. Of course it doesn’t go well
especially when a sinister Russian kingpin shows up.
The
Answer:
Michael Caine could have been 007 as could Clint Esstwood,
Mel Gibson, Liam Neeson, Hugh Jackman and Henry Cavill. Cavill lost to Daniel
Craig because he looked too young. Jackman turned it down because his
Australian TV show was doing so well. Liam was offered the role, but his fiancé
Natasha Richardson said she would refuse to marry him if he took it. Gibson was
turned down because he was too short…and too famous. Mankiewicz said he wanted
a “Bond” movie, not a “Gibson” movie. Eastwood said it didn’t feel right to
replace Connery. And Caine didn’t want to be Type Cast. Bonus: If you think ACLU was annoying, wait till you see what te Madison
Wisconsin based FFRF – Freedom from Religion Foundation has in store for the Ten
commandments and other basic religion components. This growing anti-reliogion
group has offices in every state.
Have
a great weekend E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y!
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